


Hey, It Pays the Rent

by Java_bean



Category: Homestuck
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Alternate Universe - No Sburb/Sgrub Sessions, Enemies to Friends to Lovers, M/M, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-28
Updated: 2018-07-03
Packaged: 2019-05-14 21:18:32
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 31,481
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14777414
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Java_bean/pseuds/Java_bean
Summary: Dave Strider needs a roommate.Karkat Vantas needs a room.This would be a perfect situation if they didn't hate each other so much.





	1. Enemies

**Author's Note:**

  * For [apocalypticTaco](https://archiveofourown.org/users/apocalypticTaco/gifts).



> Hey!!! This is a fic I'm writing for the amazing awesome super fly Sam apocalypticTaco!!
> 
> This is gonna be a three chapter fic, with each chapter focusing on an aspect of Dave and Karkat's relationship and ending with them reaching a new milestone! 
> 
> I hope you like reading it!! <3

“Are you sure you don’t know a single person in need of a place to stay? At least for a couple months?” You ask John again as you grab your coffee off the counter and follow him to a table.

“No, Dave.” He rolls his eyes as he plops down in a chair. “I’ve asked around and there’s no one right now. Why weren’t you looking during the beginning of the semester? People were jumping for a chance to get a room, then.”

You slump into the seat across from him and groan. “I didn’t need a roommate then. I had my financial situation all under control-”

John snorts. You shoot a glare at him and kick him under the table.

“I had it all under control,” you repeat, “but then my bastard landlord raised the rent like the roof was on fire or some shit and now I’m swimming in debts while just trying to keep my head above water. Because let me tell you one thing, John, I refuse to be fully submerged. I mean sure, I can hold my breath like a son of a bitch and I float like a corpse, but I can’t have my head below the water. That’d totally ruin my hair. Not to mention my shades, which are totally irreplaceable.”

“I know, I bought them for you.”

“So you get my problem now?”

“That you need swimming lessons?”

“John, what the fuck?” You frown at him and take a sip of your drink. “You knew what I meant.”

He grins and holds his hands up to you. “I know, I know.” He blows on his coffee to cool it off a little before taking a drink. Then he gets serious. “Money’s been tight for you right now, and that really sucks. But you keep refusing my help every time I offer, and honestly I don’t know what else I can do.”

John’s been helping you out financially as much as he can, taking you out for food whenever he can, loaning you some money when your funds are way too low to even matter, and just generally being a chill presence in your life. You really appreciate it, but if you’re being honest you’re also a little ashamed that you have to borrow your friend’s money so often. You were certain you were going to be able to live by yourself and be completely independent. Right now you’re just a leash sucking cash blood out of John’s big money jugular.

The worst part is, you know if John ever told his Dad about your trouble right now, you’d have a sudden large endowment in your bank account courtesy of Crocker Corp. You’re certain the only reason that hasn’t happened yet is because you begged John to keep this all on the down low. You told him that it would’ve made you feel like a charity case. As if borrowing money from John is any better.

God, you feel like an asshole.

Which is why you need a roommate to split the burden with, fast.

“Are you describing it as the dope crash pad it is, or are you downplaying its awesome glory for mass appeal? Because that might have an effect on why people aren’t exactly lining up to rub elbow room with the Dave Strider.”

“You’re right, I’ve probably been downplaying it.” He nods in agreement. “Shit! I forgot to name drop you!”

He bangs his fist on the table like he’s disappointed in himself. You roll your eyes, you know a sarcastic move when you see one.

“Well, remember to do that next time.” Your chair scrapes across the floor as you stand up. “I gotta go, I have some posters to put up before I head off to work. Keep me posted if anyone gets interested.”

“Will do.” He gives you a quick thumbs up. “Have a good time at work.”

You laugh as you leave the cafe. “John, that’s not a thing.”

Work, as always, is exhausting as hell. Who would’ve thought working at a gas station could take so much out of you? You never feel like you do shit, but at the end of the day you can barely make yourself walk home.

Somehow, you manage to make it all the way home to your shitty (but just not shitty enough for you to be able to afford by yourself) apartment and collapse on your awful thrift store couch. You don’t bother turning on the lights as you kick your shoes off and dig your phone out of your pocket. Not like you need lights to scroll through social media before hitting the sack.

There’s a call from John that you missed. You spend a second weighing the pros and cons of calling him back when you realize he also texted you.

good news! i found some one willing to move in with your sorry butt. they want to set up a meeting with you first to check out the place and discuss room mate stuff with you. get back to me when you can.

You breathe a sigh of relief. Finally, this financial nightmare is over. Or at least, somewhat more financially stable.

“Thanks, dude.” You say into the voice to text function of your phone, “I knew I could count on you. Sunglasses emoji. Send.”

With that taken care of, you drag yourself over to the kitchen and make yourself snack dinner. Which is just. Half a bag of doritos but you’re eating it for dinner. Hey, that’s just how it is, sometimes. You take your snack dinner back to to the couch and turn on some cartoons to help you chill for a bit. A couple hours of brain mushing tv and phone scrolling, you decide to call it a night and go to bed.

The meeting between you and your potential mystery roommate is set up for Saturday, because the three of you all happen to be free on Saturday.

That’s right.

The three of you.

Because for some reason John wanted to come and chaperone your meeting. As if you couldn’t act like a semiprofessional for five fucking minutes. But as much as you told John this, he insisted on coming. He even offered to buy drinks for you and his pal, because he figured the two of you owing him a seven whole dollars and some change would be enough for you to let him stay. And, well, he was right.

All of John’s talk about being present and telling you to keep the conversation as civil as possible, and to really seriously consider the position you’re in right now before you make any decisions really has you wondering just what kind of person he’s expecting you to meet with. You’re usually cordial as one of those old dudes who sits on his porch on a scorching hot day and offers some of his fresh squeezed lemonade to all the dehydrated street folks. Of course, nobody accepts it because stranger danger, the street folks aren’t total idiots, but they get that you were being nice and they appreciate the gesture to parch their throats with your suspicious lemonade. How do they even know if you washed your hands? They don’t, they’d just have to take your word for it, which they won’t, because you’re a senile dirty old dude, but you’re definitely fucking cordial. That is the very essence of your being. The lemony, lemony essence.

You think John’s probably overreacting. You’re chill with pretty much everyone you meet, or at the very least you can keep your distaste in check for long enough to get them to agree to live with you. There’s really only one person (aside from Asshole Whom You’ll Never Speak of Again) who’s ever pissed you off to the point you can’t even pretend to be nice to him over his stream of bullshit.

Of course, there’s no way John invited Doucheface McSpazzatron here to room with you. That guy’s all the way across the country, thank fuck. You can rest assured it’s not him.

But that still leaves....the possibility that John knows someone so fucking similar to that guy that he thinks it’s going to be a problem for you. That’s a worrying thought in and of itself.

You’re not looking forward to this meeting.

You sigh and brace yourself for the worst as you push open the cafe door. You go up to the counter, order a dink, and ask them to put it on John’s tab. Once it’s delivered to you and slowly burning your hands, you start scanning the room for any signs of John and his friend. You arrived a little late, so no way they aren’t here already.

Eventually, you spot John’s face through the Saturday morning coffee crowd. There he is, smiling and laughing at whatever the mystery person said. From where you’re standing, you can only see the other person’s back. You can’t tell if you know them from here, all you really know for sure is that they’re wearing a hoodie with the hood pulled up. You drink some of your coffee, shrug to yourself, and start walking over. You’re going to have to talk to them eventually, and who knows, maybe they won’t be completely terrible. Lord knows they can’t be as bad as that fuckbag-

“Karkat?”

You’re frozen in place in complete disbelief. What the fuck’s he doing here? He’s supposed to be at school halfway across the country!

He screws his face up into a scowl that you are more than familiar with. “Dave.”

Your shock at seeing him here melted the moment you had his voice grating at your ears, and suddenly you can move again. You pull your chair out and sit down, angling it far away from the table so you’re as far away from him as you can be without making it too obvious. You fix a glare at him. Now you can focus on the more important things, like what the fuck he’s even doing back here so soon.

And just what the fuck is on his face?

“You’re not going near my place til you fucking shave.” You say pointedly, gesturing to horrible patch of hair on his chin. “I don’t need you shedding all over the carpet and anyway I’m not allowed to have a pet.”

“You think I like this?” Karkat holds a hand under his chin to frame his scruffy soul patch. “Any part of this? I despise having this fucking scrub brush uselessly attached to my face all the time? Do you think I don’t know how much this makes me look like a douche?”

“Look like?” You snort as you take out your phone and snap a quick pic of Karkat’s agitated face.

He snarls at you and gives you the finger. “I would shear this shit right off in a bloodpush thump, but my cheap ass fucking razor broke and now I’m trapped with this piece of steel wool on my chin. And you know what? It’s just the moldy icing on my shit cake right now! Because now, I have to beg you with this to let me squat in your tiny loadgaper of a home for awhile under the threat of being hiveless! If I live long enough the become ancient and decrepit, I don’t think I’ll ever experience a moment lower than this one.”

John laughs. “Karkat, you could’ve just asked to borrow a razor.”

“Hiveless, you say?” Interesting. “You serious?”

“Yes.” He sighs and covers his face with one of his hands. The other is wrapped around his cup of coffee. “I’m completely serious. Why else would I even fucking be here if I wasn’t under some dire shitty circumstances?”

“I see.” You nod. “So you came to me in your time of need.”

He levels a glare at you. “It’s not like a wanted to. I’m all out of options.”

Of course you are.” You take a contemplative sip of your drink, savoring both the flavor and this perfect situation you’ve stumbled upon. Well, perfect fo you. Obviously it sucks for Karkat. You’re not very sympathetic, though, since you’re not his biggest fan. “I guess that means this shit’s all settled, then.”

“So you and Karkat are gonna be roommates, now?” John asks. He sounds relieved, like he wasn’t expecting it to go this well.

“Not so fast!” You hold up your hand to him. “Before I give our homeless buddy here the grand tour and allow him the privilege of living with me-”

Karkat snorts into his drink.

“-there’s one thing I need to hear first.”

John tilts his head. “One thing you need to hear?”

“Yeah.” You smirk and nudge Karkat with your leg. “You know what it is.”

Karkat looks confused, like he’s not sure what you’re talking about. He and John exchange a look. You don’t give him any hints.

You see it in his eyes as the realization strikes him. He sips his coffee and frowns. “You abominable fucking nerd.”

You shake your head. “That’s not it, and you know it.”

He groans and hangs his head, and you can feel the giant shit eating grin spread over your face. “Help me, Dave Strider, you’re my only hope.”

“You’re damn right, I am.” You polish off the remains of your drink in one gulp. “Let’s go.”

You take Karkat to check your place out. He walks around inspecting everything, kicking your shit around and telling you how much of a disgusting fucking sty your apartment is. Have you ever heard of a vacuum, Dave? Or do you like wallowing in your filth like a fat nasty oinkbeast? Blah blah blah ad nauseum. John came with you, too. Again, just to make sure neither of you do anything stupid, like say no to living together, in the heat of your mutual distaste for each other.

God, you’re going to fucking hate living with Karkat. He’s probably the worst roommate ever. But you’re out of options, and apparently so is he.

Karkat walks over to you. “Okay,” he kicks a piece of trash you haven’t bothered to pick up yet, “as much as the thought fills my throat with hot bile, I’ll do it. I’ll room with you.”

He holds out his hand. You shake it. “Great. I’ll go get the lease so you can sign it. After you kill that rat on your face and toss it out.”

He covers his soul patch with his hand defensively. “Fuck you, I don’t have a razor!”

“Get one!”

“I’ll get one after you let me sign the lease!” Your grips are still locked in a handshake. Karkat’s squeezing your hand tightly.

You squeeze back. “You’re not putting your John Hancock on shit til your face doesn’t make me gag.”

“Joke’s on you, asshole! My face always makes you gag!” He sticks his face really close to yours. So close your noses are almost touching. “Look me in the bulb and say it fucking doesn’t! I dare you!”

“Get your greasy hairball of a face away from me!”

“Or what?” You can smell his breath as he eggs you on. It’s hot and a little sour. “What are you gonna do?”

“Move it or I’m gonna lick you!” You consider shoving him, but you resist the urge. “Don’t test me, dude, I’ll stick my god damn tongue in your ear, I swear I will.”

“Do it, pussy! I fucking dare you!” Karkat turns his head so his ear is directly in your face. 

Your tongue is out of your mouth and going straight for his dirty ass ear before you can even consider what you’re really doing. You literally told him not to test you a second ago, and then he did it anyway! Dammit, you threatened to do it, and now you gotta follow through. You gotta! You’re nothing if not a man of your word.

“Hey!” 

An arm slams between the two of you before you can fulfill your promise of delivering the wettest of willies straight from the source. John squeezes his way between you and Karkat, acting as a barrier to separate you. 

“Dave, go talk to your landlord about the lease. I’ll take Karkat back over to my place to get his stuff and shave and we’ll come back later. Does that work for you?”

Fuck, you hate how riled up Karkat makes you. More than that, you hate that John always has to step in and intervene. How the fuck did he become the voice of reason? 

You breathe deeply. “Yeah, that works for me.”

“Alright,” John nods and turns to Karkat, “what about you?”

Karkat huffs and rolls his eyes. “Of course that works for me, why the fuck wouldn’t it? I already went on a tirade about how I hate this unruly fuzz always scratching at my chin in the most hellishly uncomfortable way imaginable. Do you really think I’d change my tune just because Dave has an iota of common sense concerning facial hair? Shit, I know I’m petty, but I’m not that petty!”

You raise an eyebrow and open your mouth to disagree, but John shoots you a look that makes you close it again. Whatever you were going to say is really not necessary. Besides, you’ll have plenty of time to get into stupid arguments with Karkat for no apparent reason once you’re living together.

Fuck, you’re going to be living together.

“Okay, so that settles it!” John wraps an arm around Karkat’s shoulders and starts leading him towards the door. “Hey, we should go out for dinner to celebrate tonight! My treat.”

Before you can tell him that’s not necessary -John’s already been doing a lot for you- he drags Karkat out and closes the door. You’re left alone in your apartment. 

You flop face first onto the couch and groan into it. You’re going to have to savor these fleeting moments while they last. Soon it won’t just be your apartment. You won’t be able to relax like this anymore. 

You’re going to have to deal with Karkat on a daily basis. This is going to be hell.

You flip over and stare up at the ceiling, letting out another loud groan. 

But..for the sake of the rent, you think you can deal with Karkat and his bullshit. 

Yeah. Doesn’t sound too hard. You got this.

 

Holy shit, no amount of money is worth this.

Your schedules are different enough that you barely see Karkat most of the time, but when you do see him, it makes you feel like he took a steaming, liquidy shit all over your good day.

Karkat is taking some online courses, which you wouldn’t give even half a turd about under normal circumstances. The problem is that he does his homework in the living room with the tv on at full volume. Again, this wouldn’t be much of a problem, either.

Except he doesn’t let you watch anything when he’s doing his homework. You once tried to take the remote and he hissed at you. He fucking hissed. As if he hasn’t already seen When Harry Met Sally fifty times already. But no, its always his dumb fucking romantic troll sap, 24/7 and 360 fucking 5 forever and always. Or at least until Karkat’s finished doing shit. But really, in the moment those feel like the same thing.  
Leaving the room doesn’t help much. Usually you can still hear it through your door.

If he’s not laying claim over the couch and tv, he’s cleaning something. That actually came as a pleasant surprise at first. You’re not exactly big on cleaning, so it was refreshing to come home to a clean house. The problem isn’t the apartment being clean, obviously, the problem is how Karkat goes about doing it. 

Karkat’s cleaning pattern is as unpredictable and erratic as a chihuahua tornado. He’ll start a load of dishes, then stop in the middle to vacuum the living room carpet, and then take a break to clean the bathroom sink. All the while complaining about the disgusting state of the apartment. Granted, his complaints about the apartment being gross die down once he starts regularly cleaning any shit he can get his grubby hands on. 

Given what he does instead now, you kind of miss the complaints. Now he runs around the apartment cleaning and singing at the top of his lungs.

If you can call it singing. 

It’s more like...screaming? 

Yeah, it’s definitely screaming. It really makes you wonder just how ear splittingly loud his music must be if he thinks it’s okay to fucking belt out the lyrics to every song in The Killers discography like a sandpaper throated banshee. 

The only good that comes from that is that you know which room he’s in at all times and you can avoid him better.

Mundane and everyday tasks are annoying as hell now. You can’t even buy goddamn groceries without it being a huge federal case. You want your cheap ass snacks, but Karkat always demands getting troll food, too. Also a thing that shouldn’t be a big deal, except that troll cuisine is more expensive than human food because even with the high concentration of trolls on the planet, it’s still technically a delicacy. On top of that, Karkat wants to make sure you get the right kind of food and not the awful but equally as expensive stuff stocked at your local grocer. So instead you gotta buy your groceries (which Karkat will inevitably also eat because that’s how this arrangement works, you share snacks) and then you have to go home, put those away, and then take a bus to the next town over so Karkat can hit up the Authentic Troll Food Store, which is hella expensive because everything there is imported straight from Alternia. It’s a hassle and you get absolutely jack shit out of it because your uncultured ass can’t stand the taste of troll garbage slime chow.

Then, of course, there’s John.

Karkat always seems to be near John. Texting him, calling him. Hanging out in his dorm. Having dinner at Mr. Egbert’s place with him. Tagging along whenever you go chill with him. 

Fuck, it’s like you’re fourteen all over again.

You fucking hate it.

The summer before you started high school, Karkat moved into town. And for that whole year, he was always hanging around John. He was like a pimple on your ass that was agonizingly annoying, but every time you popped it it just came back worse, bigger and more filled with puss than the last time. You couldn’t get John alone for a second, it was awful. Karkat was taking up all his time and there was nothing you could do about it without looking like an even bigger asshole than him.

That whole year was torture. Thinking back on it, only half of it was really Karkat’s fault. It took you years to come to terms with the fact that you’d had a crush on John and were jealous of how much of his attention Karkat was taking up. The other half just wanted to hang out with your best friend without the addition of some angry, loud troll kid who was obviously crushing hard on him.

Yeah, Karkat had had a crush on John, and it was...not subtle.

There was a blessed summer without Karkat right before your junior year. It was a good season for you. You only saw him once over that whole three month period. You remember it pretty well. You and John were going to get some matches from the gas station (the one you’re currently working at) to light off some fireworks when you saw Karkat on his way out. Karkat froze like a deer caught in headlights and he dropped his slushie. John said hi, and then Karkat ran. Neither of you had gone after him. 

When school started back up again, everything went back to normal, save for the fact that Karkat wasn’t clinging to John anymore. 

But here you are, right back where you started. You’ve come full circle once again.

Karkat is hanging around John and taking up all of his spare time like a fucking attention leech again. And just like before, you’re more jealous than you’d care to admit.

The only difference is this time you’re not jealous because you have a repressed crush on John. It’s all because you just want to spend time with your friend without Karkat.

After a month of all this bullshit piling up, your last straw finally snaps under its weight.

You come home after a long day of work to a dark apartment. You just want to collapse on the couch, but you can see as you toe off your shoes by the door that you’re not gonna be able to do that. One of Karkat’s movies is on. The tv is so bright in the pitch black that you don’t even notice Karkat’s laptop is open on the coffee table until you walk by the couch on the way to your room. 

But it is open. 

And on it is John’s face. His mouth is moving, but you can’t hear a word he’s saying. You can tell he sees you, though, because he waves.

Karkat turns his head. His glare is illuminated from the soft glow of both screens. Clearly his disapproves of you interrupting his facetime with John.

But you know what? Fuck that. Fuck him.

You walk around the couch and over to the other side of the coffee table. You stand tall over Karkat, leveling your own steely gaze at him as you slam his laptop closed with one hand.

He sneers at you. “What the fuck was that for?”

“This shit has to stop.”

“Oh? And just what shit are you talking about?” He inquires with disinterest. Clearly he doesn’t give a damn about what your reasons are. “Enlighten me.”

You can’t contain it anymore, not for all the rent money in the world.

You explode and enlighten him.

“All of this bullshit with John!” You yell at him in an attempt to get it through his thick skull. “Stop demanding his attention all the time! He has more important shit to do than waste his time talking to your thirsty, pining ass all day, dude. Jesus, just tell him you have a crush on him already and get it over with!”

“A crush?” Karkat tilts his head to the side, and you think you can see a hint of a smile on his face. “On John?”

He snorts.

“Dave, really? You think I have a crush on John?” He’s outright laughing now. What the fuck? “I haven’t had a crush of any sort on that idiot since I was seven sweeps.”

It occurs to you that this might be the first time you’ve ever made Karkat laugh. Somehow that makes this whole confrontation worse for you.

“Then how the hell do you explain all your weird ass behavior lately, hm?” You press on, undeterred by Karkat’s claim. “You’ve been following John around like a lovestruck puppy nursed back to health from the brink of death on his chiseled bosom. Don’t deny it, we both know this shit isn’t normal.”

He raises an eyebrow. “Why the fuck does it matter so much to you?” 

“I just want to know why you’re being so fucking clingy with John all of a sudden!” You admit. “Ever since you moved back here, you’ve been acting weird and sticking to John just like when we were kids and if it’s not because you’re into him well….then I can’t think of a reason why you’d be like this.”

“You really want to know?” He says it as if it’s a challenge. He gets up off the couch and leans in closer to you over the coffee table. He’s still sneering at you. His teeth look dead and sharp in the tv’s light. “Do you really want to fucking know?”

You’re not backing down. “Yes.”

He slams his hand against the table. “I’m fucking lonely, you maggot brained shithead!”

Karkat huffs and falls back onto the couch. He’s glaring up at you, waiting for you to say something. 

You’re still processing.

That….was not what you were expecting him to say.

“You’re fucking what?”

Wow, that wasn’t the stupidest thing you could’ve said, you fucking moron.

He crosses his arms over his chest. “You heard me.”

“Okay,” you nod, “do...you need to talk about that?”

Did you just offer to listen to Karkat complain? Did you actually volunteer for that? What the fuck is wrong with you?

Karkat looks just as surprised by your question as you are. “I don’t think I’d...hate talking about it?”

Neither of you seem to know where to go from here. Do you wait for him to start talking? Do you take a seat beside him on the couch? Do you write shit down like a therapist might? Should you get Rose on the line instead, since she’s a good listener?

You end up walking around the table and taking a seat on the couch. In terms of couch distance, you’re far away from him. You wait patiently for him to start talking.

“I uh…” He takes a deep breath. “I wanted to be independent when I left for school. I didn’t want to have to rely on anybody for shit, which is why I decided to go so far away in the first place. I even managed to get a single room when I got there. For the first few weeks, everything was fine-”

Everything was not fine.

The first few weeks weren’t fine, they were hectic. You were lost in figuring out your class schedule and what was expected of you in those classes. But once you knew what was up, things were a lot less fine and a lot more shitty than they initially appeared.

You did your homework, you studied, you wrote essays. You did all the educational fuckery you needed to do to ensure you didn’t fail any of your classes. You didn’t have a lot of time to spare with all this studious shit, but it was enough time to make you wish you had someone else to spend time with.

In your core, you’re a social being. You crave interaction, but because of a certain situation you’re not comfortable discussing, you have a hard time bringing yourself to even talk to people enough to make a real acquaintance. Out of fear of discovery, you withdrew into yourself.

You didn’t go to any social events, nor were you fucking invited to any in the first place. You ate lunch alone, when you ate lunch at all. You had a difficult time getting any studying done in groups of people, so you didn’t even try. And since you had a single room, you didn’t even have a dorm mate to fall back on for interaction.

You had so many friends at home that you’ve known for sweeps, you forgot how hard it was to make them in the first place. How insanely hard it was for you to actually trust anyone enough to spend time with them. 

Two months into school, you missed your home and your friends more than you ever though possible. You were starved for a nice conversation, for some contact, for anything really. Even though you were still in touch with your friends, it wasn’t the same. Somehow all the texting and phone calls and video chatting made you feel worse. 

The stress piling up from all of the homework didn’t help you at all. At first the homework distracted you from your lack of a social life, and then it all consumed your life. Sometimes it was so overwhelming you couldn’t function anymore. 

You hate to admit this, but you cried yourself to sleep more than once during your time there.

Everything was horrible and it was shit and you were completely aware of that. But what were you going to do? Admit your failure? Give up on school and come back home? Of course not! You could get through the whole year, you were strong enough for at least that!

But then you saw a picture of Kanaya with Rose and some of their other friends. Kanaya came down from school to spend the weekend with everybody because she lived close enough to do that. There was your best friend, hanging out with her friends and girlfriend and having a fun time. And here you were, all alone in your dorm room across the country.

That’s what decided it for you. 

You talked to the appropriate people about leaving school and transferring to the local college back home. You decided to finish off the rest of the year on your first school’s online program and then start at the new one. You told John you were coming back, and he offered to let you stay at his house for a bit, and you immediately took the offer. You didn’t actually have a plan for where you were going to stay once you came back, so it was appreciated. After finals ended, you took a plane and a bus back home. And now you’re here.

 

“I came back because I missed everybody, but they’re all busy with school and work and other life shit.” Karkat shrugs. “I’ve been spending time with John because he’s available.”

He lapses into silence. Are you supposed to say something now? 

“It...sounds like you had a real shitty time.”

He snorts again. “I’ll say.”

And that’s the end of everything you thought of to say.

You understand missing friends a lot. All of your friends are extremely important to you, and you can’t imagine your life without them. Well, you can, but it’s incredibly shitty. You don’t know how to tell Karkat that he has your sympathy on this front without sounding like you’re pitying him. You don’t know what else you can say.

Karkat must realize it, too. He stands up and grabs his laptop off the table. “I’m going to my block now.”

He starts walking away. Fuck, you feel like you still need to say something, but what? What the hell else do you have to offer?

Shit, he’s already opening his bedroom door. You need to say something! Anything! Just fucking open your mouth!

“Hey,” He turns his head. Hell yeah, nailed it. You said some words. “I just realized no one threw you a welcome back party. We should...fix that? Next weekend?”

You can’t read his face because the hallway’s too dark. “Yeah, okay. Next weekend.”

 

The party happens sooner than you anticipated it would. It feels like you blinked and the week finished. You still can’t believe that you spent all this time planning a party for a guy you don’t even like at all.

Karkat’s been less insufferable than usual. It’s a pleasant change to the bad month that came before that.

You invite everyone you can think of over to the apartment on Saturday afternoon. They all RSVP, and some people (Rose) question your act of kindness towards Karkat. You let Rose know you’re just as lost about it as she is. 

Honestly, outside of inviting people over, you really didn’t do much planning. You don’t think Karkat’s going to care at all, though. He doesn’t give a shit about the actual party, he just wants people over.  
That becomes evident when the guests start arriving.

Rose comes first, bearing a bundt cake and an interest in analyzing your relationship with your roommate. No amount of Lalondian analysis in the world could have prepared either of you for the hug she got from Karkat.

“Hello, Karkat.” Her voice betrays her surprise and she gives him an awkward pat on the back with her free hand. “Book club hasn’t been the same without you.”

“I’m glad you came, Rose!” He breaks away from her reluctantly and takes the cake away from her. “You got any new shit for me to read? I’ve been waiting for an update.”

Yeah, yeah I do. Just give me a moment to find where you were.” Rose pulls her phone out of her jacket and starts scrolling through it.

Karkat and Rose sit together on the couch and you watch as she passes him her phone. You’re hanging out in the kitchen and ordering pizza while you wait for everybody else.

It doesn’t take long for more people to show up. Karkat hugs each and every person who walks through the door. Everyone seems just as shocked by this experience as you and Rose were. 

About twenty minutes in everyone is chilling in the living room. At this point you’re just waiting on pizza and the final guest. You wonder if she’ll show up before the pizza.

There’s a knock on the door, followed by someone walking in. Yep, she got here first.

Karkat’s eyes light up. “Kanaya!”

She smiles. “Sorry I’m late.”

She doesn’t get any more words out before Karkat runs over to the door and hugs her so tightly he lifts her off the floor.

You didn’t really have anything planned, so you set up a game of Uno with your special Star Wars Uno cards that you know Karkat claims he hates. He only says that because he’s never fucking seen any of them, that uncultured swine.

You get a couple rounds in before the pizza comes, and once that’s here you can’t really play Uno anymore. You switch to watching tv instead, just for background noise while you all talk.

It’s been awhile since you’ve all gotten together, and it’s so amazing to be surrounded by your friends you wonder why you don’t do this more often. 

Karkat is sitting on the floor between Kanaya and John. You’re not sure what they’re talking about, but you know this is the happiest you’ve ever seen him. 

Seeing him smile this much is a little surreal. Hopefully it’s something you’ll get used to. 

 

The party lasts late into the night, but eventually people begin to leave. Karkat walks all of them to the door and hugs them again as they exit. After a long debate about whether they should spend the night or not, Rose and Kanaya also take their leave. The door closes behind them, and it’s just you, Karkat, and your post-party messy apartment. 

The atmosphere in the apartment feels a little awkward to you. You clear your throat to clear the silence. Karkat is still staring at the closed door.

“So, uh…” you don’t really have anything say right now, “I didn’t know you were such a hugger, Karkat.”

You shouldn’t be surprised by what happens after that, but it still catches you off guard.

He hugs you. 

His arms are warm and they’re wrapped tightly around you. His face is buried in your sweatshirt. 

It’s….nice. Soft. A comforting embrace that you never expected to get from someone like Karkat. 

You’d hug back, but Karkat’s pinned your arms to your sides. 

“Thanks for this, Dave.” His voice is muffled by your shirt. 

You shrug in the most casual way possible. “Don’t mention it.” 

“No, shut the fuck up! Let me thank you, I needed this more than I thought I did.”

“Okay, okay, fine.” You roll your eyes, but you also smile because you know Karkat can’t see it right now. “You’re welcome, you owe me now.”

“You don’t have to come with me to Troll Foods anymore.”

“Oh, sweet! I hate that place. But I was thinking more along the lines of making you marathon Star Wars with me.”

“Really, Dave?” He groans into your shirt. “Star Wars? Why the fuck are you so obsessed with that series? It’s not even an accurate portrayal of alien life and space travel.”

“Uh, of course it’s not, it’s called fiction, jackass. Read a fucking book.” You retort. “Besides, Star Wars is the best and I refuse to be friends with someone who hasn’t seen Star Wars.”

Karkat pulls away from you. “Did you just call me your friend?”

“Jesus, maybe I should’ve stuck my tongue in your ear, that probably would’ve cleaned all the gunk out.” You smirk. “I said you have to watch Star Wars first.”

“And then you’ll think of me as your friend?” Karkat asks, raising an eyebrow suspiciously.

You nod. “Oh, yeah, dude.” 

“Okay, fine.” He sighs. “I’ll watch your dumb space trilogy.”

“Cool.” You run over to your room. “You’re gonna love the shit outta them, I swear.”

What Karkat doesn’t know is that you just lied to his face. You don’t actually have a Star Wars prerequisite, you just wanted to make him watch them.

You already think of Karkat as your friend.


	2. Friends

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Part two is done!!!  
> This part is all about Dave and Karkat's friendship and Dave trying to learn how to deal with a growing crush on a friend. I had lots of fun writing this, I hope you like reading it!! :D

It was weird how quickly you went from hating Karkat’s steaming insides to considering him a friend. A month ago you didn’t want to go anywhere near that asshole, and now you look forward to your weekly movie night with him.

Or maybe...maybe it’s not as weird as you think? When you really consider it, you’d never had an actual conversation with Karkat until that awkward night early in your roommateship. You’d known Karkat for years, and yet you knew jack shit about him. Maybe you would’ve been friends with him sooner if you’d ever had an honest conversation with him before this.

Not that you’ve been having tons of emotional heart to hearts since.

Actually...aside from Karkat’s single awkward outburst, you still know jack shit about him.

You should probably change that sometime…

“Dave?” Karkat yells at you from the living room. “How’s the popcorn coming?”

But now’s not that time.

“Yeah, it’s coming!” You rip open a bag of popcorn from the microwave and dump it in a bowl. “Look out! We’ve got some piping hot corns, popped and buttered for your pleasure. I’m telling you, dude, you’re gonna be so into this your taste buds are gonna orgasm so fucking hard you’ll be tasting shit funny for a week.”

You set the bowl of popcorn down on the coffee table and flop onto the couch next to Karkat. You use the table as a footrest. 

Karkat squints at you suspiciously. “The way you phrased that makes me really question leaving you in charge of the popcorn.”

He says this as he shoves his entire hand in the bowl. You point this out by nudging the bowl with your foot. “Clearly you’re not that concerned about it.”

He glares at you and pulls the bowl closer to himself. “And get your fucking stink frond away from my hot snack corn!”

You snort. “Okay, okay, if you’re that serious about it I’ll leave you two alone.”

You start to stand up, but Karkat grabs your shirt and pulls you back down. “No, you stay put, you shit. If this snack is gonna have a fucking orgy in my mouth, you have to stay put and watch this monstrosity you’ve created go down in the most hellish way imaginable.”

He takes his hand out of the popcorn bowl, a couple kernels fall from his hand and onto the carpet. Without taking his eyes away from you, his brings his fistful of popcorn up to his mouth and eats it out of his own palm like he’s a god damn horse. And, like the disgusting horse he’s pretending to be, he chews with his mouth wide open, making the nastiest sounds humanly (trolly?) possible just to gross you out.

It does. 

But it’s also hilarious as fuck.

You laugh and give him a light shove. “You’re so _nasty_ , bro!”

He swallows his mouthful and rolls his eyes at you. “If that’s not a classic case of the pot calling the kettle pitch.” 

“Do you mean...black? Because that’s the saying. Pot calling the kettle black.” 

“That’s what I just fucking said.”

“No, you said pitch.”

“Whatever.” He shrugs. “I meant black, then. Sorry my memory is complete shit when it comes to your human idioms.”

He picks a kernel out from between his sharp looking teeth with his even sharper looking nails. “Even though it failed to deliver on its promise of getting my tongue off, this popcorn’s good.”

“Thanks, I microwaved it.” You pop a couple pieces in your mouth. “What are we watching?”

Every Saturday, you spend the night chilling at home and watching a movie with Karkat. It started out right after the big welcome back bash you threw for him, also known as the night you officially became friends. You’d made him marathon Star Wars with you, because somehow Karkat had managed to go his entire life without consuming a single piece of Star Wars media up until that point. 

He liked it more than you’d hoped he would. You swear there were fucking stars in his eyes by the time you’d finished the last one. He turned to you and asked if there were more.

And of course, you said yes. While trying to keep a straight face, you mention that there are prequels. A whole trilogy about Darth Vader’s life and his descent to the dark side. Did Karkat want to watch it?

Fuck, you had to try so hard to keep from laughing your ass off when Karkat emphatically said yes. 

It was late by that point, already past midnight. You told him that might be a thing to do next week, if he didn’t have anything planned for next Saturday already.

He didn’t. 

And so was the birth of Saturday Movie Night.

“Hitch.”

“Okay, cool.” You nod. “I mean, we already watched Troll Hitch, but if you wanna oogle every variation of Will Smith in existence for another hour and however fucking long then sure, I’m down for it.”

His face flushes as he shoots a glare at you. “Shut the fuck up, I never say shit about your inane Ben Stiller fixation.” 

“Dude, I didn’t mean anything about it, it’s chill. Nothing to get so defensive about. Besides, you can’t tell me you didn’t fucking love Zoolander, because if you did say that you would be a dirty lying fuck and we both know it.” You toss a piece of popcorn at him. “Now start your movie.”

You watch the movie and try your best not to talk all the way through it like how Karkat hates. You do throw in a kind of relevant comment here and there, though, mostly because there’s no way someone could expect you to be quiet for a whole hour. Karkat seems to get this about you, and only shoots you mildly annoyed looks throughout the movie’s run. 

When the movie’s over, Karkat takes it out and puts in the next one. It’s a troll movie, so you don’t bother asking what the title is or trying to pay much attention to the absurdly over complicated plot. The popcorn’s already finished by the time this movie starts. Karkat’s asleep about halfway through the second movie. You put the empty popcorn bowl in the kitchen, turn off the tv, and quietly sneak to bed so you don’t wake him up.

All in all, it’s a pretty average movie night. A little under average, actually. Karkat doesn’t usually fall asleep during it. Still, not a particularly remarkable night.

 

Which is exactly what you tell Rose when she asks you about how your day was yesterday. You finish it off with a shrug and watch her stab her fork into part of an omelet as you wait for her reply.

“You know, it’s funny,” she says thoughtfully, “whenever I ask either of you how your day was, you both mention that. Honestly, at this rate we should just invite him to brunch with us. It would save me from having to hear about the same mundane event twice.”

“Yeah, like fuck I’m gonna invite him to our sibling brunch.” You snort, stuffing a pancake into your mouth. “This is a family only event. Not like you try to invite Kanaya to this ever.”

“You’re right, I don’t try to invite Kanaya to this ever.” Rose nods. “Although, I have to wonder why you used my girlfriend in your example of people I wouldn’t invite to sibling brunch.”

You down your pancake with a gulp of apple juice. “I don’t know, she’s the first person I thought of.”

She smiles and wiggles her eyebrows at you. “A likely story.” 

“I don’t think I like what you’re implying, Rose.”

“Just because you don’t like it doesn’t makes the implication any less true.” 

“Karkat’s just my friend, Rose.”

“And I don’t doubt that.” You raise a suspicious eyebrow at her “But until recently you did despise him quite a bit. Your feelings towards him seem to be easily swayed. Or maybe, much like when you had that crush on John throughout high school, you’ve been misinterpreting your feelings this whole time.”

“Have I ever told you how much I hate you psychoanalyzing me?”

She sips her tea and smirks. “Only every day.”

“Well, I do. I really fucking do.” You reply, stabbing part of a pancake. “As usual, you’re overreaching with my dick and making accusations based on fuckall nothing just to mess with me.”

“True.” She nods. “Most of my analysis is usually only semi-serious, but you and I both know I include at least a grain of real analysis in there, if only to keep you on your toes.”

You roll your eyes at her. “Okay, fine, I’ll bite. What’s your grain of real advice in accusing me of having a crush on Karkat?”

“You tend to ignore your feelings until they’re too strong to be forgotten about anymore, and then you act on them without thinking, which never ends well for you. Even if you don’t have a crush on Karkat now, or you never have a crush on him, I still think you should try to keep yourself aware of your emotions surrounding your new and drastically different relationship.”

That’s….not terrible advice. Fuck. “I appreciate your concern, but I don’t nor will I ever have a crush on Karkat. He’s my friend and not my type.”

“Since when did you have a type?” Rose snorts.

“Since nunya.”

She takes the bait. “Nunya?” 

“Nunya fucking business.”

You finish off brunch and take Rose back to your apartment so she can do her book club thing with Karkat. They got back into doing that the week after the party, when Rose let Karkat read whatever project it was that she was working on. Karkat told you all about it at one point, he seemed like he was really into it. You told him to tell Rose about what he thought and not you, since she was the writer and you had no idea what he was talking about.

They talked on the phone for a solid hour, during which they decided to resurrect their failed book club from high school and drag the smelly rotten club corpse back to Karkat’s room to stay indefinitely.

By which you mean they get together once a week and talk about books or something. You actually don’t know what the fuck their book club activities were, you never went to a meeting.

Karkat drags Rose to his room as soon as the two of you step through the door. Aside from a welcome back nod, you get no acknowledgement. His door slams shut, and you may as well be alone in the apartment. 

At this point, there are a couple things you could do with your valuable time: 

You could do something productive, like start up on some homework early or clean your room or something.

_Or…._

You could take a nap.

God, with all these pancakes stuffed inside you, you don’t know how there’s even a decision here. Clearly this is the perfect opportunity for some choice couch naps. 

You get yourself situated on the couch with something on for background noise when you get a text from John’s dad. He’s decided to donate some of John’s older but still nice clothes to charity and wants to know if you have any that you wouldn’t mind him taking. Of course, there’s no obligation to do so if you don’t want to. 

So of _course_ you’re going to do it.

You get up and start shuffling off towards your room. On the way there you bang on Karkat’s door and you tell them that you’ll probably be in your room sorting clothes when it’s time for Rose to go. 

You spend about twelve minutes taking clothes out of your closet and tossing them onto the bed for further scrutiny. By minute thirteen you get distracted by some of the other shit you’ve thrown in your closet.

You’re sitting on the floor and laughing your ass off as you dig through a box of old photos and comics you’d written during school. You were even more hilarious than you remembered. You’ve gotta give younger you some credit, all this shit is pure motherfucking gold. You don’t know how long you’re reminiscing when you’re disrupted by a knock on the door.

“It’s open!” You shout as you crawl out of your closet and stand up.

The door opens just enough for Karkat to poke his face in. “Can I come in?”

“Sure, whatever.” You shrug. “Where’s Rose?”

“She went home a couple minutes ago.” He replies as he closes the door behind him. She said she had some other more important shit to do.”

Karkat surveys your room slowly, taking in the whole mess of it. You’re suddenly aware that Karkat’s never been in your room before now. It shouldn’t matter, but god you’ve never been more aware of how much of a disorganized mess your room is. 

He looks at you and smirks. “I see you’re really busting your ass organizing your extensive wardrobe in here.”

“What can I say? Shit’s boring, I got distracted.” You toe your box of mildly interesting junk into his line of sight. “I’m only human, dude.”

“As if that’s an excuse.” Karkat says, rolling his eyes. “Do you want any help, or are you determined to waste your whole day on this one shitty, simplistic task?”

“I’m cool with doing it myself, but I’m not opposed to you helping.” You shrug again. “As long as you don’t start belting out Marina and the Diamonds lyrics or whatever the fuck you’re listening to like every other time you do a chore.”

His brow knits together in a quizzical look as he joins you by the closet. “What the fuck are you talking about? I don’t do that.”

Wait.

Wait….

Does he not know? That he fucking does that?

How could he _not?_

But...the confusion on his face seems so genuine. Is he really not aware?

“Yes you do? Bro, you holler like a velociraptor during mating season.”

“What? No I…” he stops midsentence. His eyes go distant for a moment as he replays memories of past chores in his head, the filter of his headphones removed. His face darkens to a shade of grey tinged with red. “...I do. Holy fuck, how much of a situationally unaware shit pan could I be not to notice I was doing that? And you just fucking listened to my tone deaf screeching this whole time? Why would you willingly subject yourself to that, are you a masochist or some shit? Are you getting off on my voice grating your auricular clots to shreds? You’re some unique kind of fucked up, Dave.”

You have no idea how he reached this conclusion, but whatever. “Okay, you caught me. I get off on your sandpaper howl shredding my eardrums like sharp cheddar. Sometimes while you’re screaming I like to pull the shreds out of my ear and sprinkle that shit on some Doritos and make myself a sick plate of tasty nachos. Your voice is like broken glass under my fingernails and it gets me all hot and bothered inside. When I masturbate I can’t finish without your malicious yodeling ringing in my ears. It ducks me up in the worst way, dude.” 

The embarrassed blush on his face creeps up to his ears and down his neck, his face grows a deeper shade of reddish grey. “I know that’s your idea of a joke, but I hope to fuck you’re joking.”

“Nope. I am completely one hundred percent serious. You called to me like a siren, and now my dick is madly in love with you.”

He glares down at your crotch. “Tell your nasty crotch I’m not interested in stale cocktail weenies.” 

“Okay. Just wait right here while I break it to the little guy.” You bend down and bring your face as close to your crotch as you can get. “Hey-”

Okay, that’s it. You can’t.

Karkat bursts into a fit of giggles at the same time you do.

“Dave, what the fuck?” Karkat’s covering his mouth with his hand, trying to stifle his own laughter.

“I don’t know, man.” You really don’t. You were just spouting your usual bullshit and you guess it got a little sillier than usual. “So are you ready to pitch in with my threads or are you just gonna keep distracting me like an asshole?”

“Oh, like you were so productive before I got here.” He rolls his eyes. “Yeah, I’ll help out. Shove your ass over.” 

Karkat hip checks you so he can get a better look at your disaster area of a closet. He starts rummaging through your clothes and pulling things out, holding them at arm’s length. 

“You know,” he says as he lays the clothes carefully on your bed, “you’ve got a fuckton of suits for a guy who’s surgically attached to a pair of ratty jeans.” 

“Yeah.” You nod as you pull out one of the suits in question. “Guy’s gotta have at least one cool suit in case shit gets serious or if he just wants to look sweet and a little intimidating for no reason.” 

“That neon vomit monstrosity’s supposed to make you look intimidating?” 

“No, but it makes me look sick as hell.” You lay it down with your other clothes. “Or it did, anyway. I haven’t worn it in awhile. Fucker might not even fit anymore, I’ve gained muscle mass since then.”

You flex.

Karkat snorts. “I didn’t realize you were working your stomach out, Dave.”

“You know what, fuck you. It’s not like you have a perfectly toned physique yourself.”

“Yeah, but at least I live my dough bodied truth.” He strikes his own pose and gestures down at his stomach and thick legs. You look him up and down and nod approvingly.

“You definitely look confident.” 

And he’s honestly not bad looking. In your opinion as his friend. He’s got a body that looks fucking perfect for cuddling. 

“Looks can be deceiving, Dave.” He straightens back up and pulls something else out of your closet. “Where’d you get all these suits, anyway?”

“Most of them are from John’s dad, I think at least one’s from my mom.” 

“John’s dad?” Karkat questions. “Why would John’s dad buy you suits?” 

“I mean I did live with the guy for a couple years. He’s basically my dad, too.” 

The first year you lived with John and his dad was the same year Karkat came to town. 

“I think I remember that.” Karkat nods. “I thought John was your brother for awhile.” 

You laugh. “Really? You thought John was my brother?”

“Well yeah, what the hell else was I supposed to think? Your stupid human relations shit is way more complicated than I’d originally thought when I came here. It was confusing. Still is, sometimes.” He admits. “Why were you living with them, anyway?”

“Some stuff happened with my bro that I’d rather not get into.” You admit. “Rose and my mom were the only family I had left, but they lived across the country and it was decided that uprooting me completely wasn’t in my best interest. John’s dad offered to take me in for the rest of the school year so we could all finish before any more major shifts happened. My mom got here near the beginning of summer and I moved in with her, but I still spent most of my time at John’s because I was more comfortable there.” 

“Oh.” Karkat says. “I didn’t know any of that.”

“Yeah, it’s not exactly a well known fact about me.”

Fuck, you owe Mr. Egbert so much. He’s such a great dude. How will you ever repay him for everything he’s done for you? 

“So,” Karkat puts down one last piece of clothing and takes a step back to look at the pile on the bed, “which of this shit are you gonna get rid of?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “I guess whatever’s got holes or doesn’t fit.”

Karkat gives you a sideways glance, a sly smile on his face. “Dave are you saying…?”

“Oh, I think you know exactly what I’m saying.” You nod.

“Fashion show?” 

“Fashion show.” 

You send your audience, Karkat, back out into the living room so you can change. You start pumping up some runway music and throw on some of the clothes from the pile on your bed. Just like that, you’re ready for the most cliche outfit montage of your life.

You step out of your room, I’m Too Sexy by Right Said Fred blasting from your stereo as you exit in the most dramatic and modelesque way possible. You do your best sexy shimmy walk all the way down the hall and over to the couch where you left Karkat waiting impatiently for you.

“So,” you strike a pose that you believe is mildly sexy and extremely embarrassing for you, “what do you think? You like what you see?”

He wrinkles his nose at you in fake disgust. “Not at all. Clothes look alright, though.”

“Cool. Keeping these ones.” 

You strut back to your room and start the whole process over again. Occasionally Karkat gives you scathing comments about your ridiculous fashion sense. Usually he just laughs at your over the top modeling. One or two times, you get a genuine compliment.

You go out in your neon vomit green suit, it’s a little tighter than you remember, but honestly you’re surprised it still fits at all. You drape yourself over the coffee table and give Karkat the best smoldering look you can muster. “Paint me like one of your french girls, Karkat.”

He looks you up and down with such a serious expression that it makes you blush a little for making such a stupid entrance. 

“Shit,” Karkat finally sighs, running a hand over his mouth, “you look fucking great.”

You’re so flustered by his unexpected compliment you don’t know how to respond. “I’m sorry, what?” 

“Yeah. Fuck you, if I’d known you could clean up so nice I would have demanded you dress at least better than a rabid hobo in public. I mean that suit’s ugly as fuck and the color makes my bulb’s water but you make it work somehow. I hate how much you’re pulling this fabric disaster off, Dave. Really, I do.”

“Thanks,” you finally manage to reply. Then, because you’re an idiot, “wanna watch me really pull this fabric disaster off?”

“Oh, yeah, Dave, do that. Please take off your pants and expose your chicken bone legs for my viewing pleasure.” He starts fanning himself. “Fuck, I’m getting hot and bothered just thinking about your strip tease. Don’t even think about popping a button off of your god awful shirt near me or I swear to fuck I’ll swoon right off this couch and onto the edge of the coffee table, probably causing a botched lobotomy in the process.”

“You’re saying I’m literally so hot right now I make you lose brain function?” You grin as you toy with the top button of your shirt. “Oh, Karkat, you flatter me.”

Karkat gives you a small shove. “Go back to your block, asshole.”

You do. You go right back into the fashion show and pretend you didn’t just do that. Because what the fuck? Was that shit you just pulled? Was that you trying to flirt? Gee Karkat you like my clothes? Here let me take them off for you. Stupid. Stupid. What the fuck?

You shake your head and start to change. The suit is laid on a pile of clothes you want to keep.

The fashion show continues, and everything is the same as normal in regards to Karkat’s reactions to your clothes and terrible posing. 

“Your clothes are too tight. Your shirt looks like it’s cutting off circulation, how the fuck did you even get that on?”

“What are you doing with your leg, Dave? Put that fucker down.”

“Who let you buy that? Who the hell even made that? That fabric is woven from curses and bad acid trips, you need to burn it.”

The only exception is when you show off a suit. 

“Oh wow, holy shit, you actually look decent. How dare you.”

“Can you look less good in that nasty ass color? Thanks.”

“Dave, seriously, you’re not allowed to own this many suits and look so fucking good in them just to have them all waste away as moth food in your dirty closet! Stop dressing like trash and wear these, you dick!”

“...I should get a suit.”

You stop pretending to model and take on a more casual stance. Your hands are shoved into your pants pockets. “You know, maybe you should.”

“Yeah,” he snorts, “with what money?”

“I mean,” you spread your arms wide, “you could take one of mine? I’m probably only gonna keep the green one for me.”

Karkat still looks unconvinced. “You do realize we’re completely different sizes, right? You’re aware of that? I’d split your suit in half trying to fit my doughy fat ass in your skinny high school pants.”

“Uh, it’s called a tailor, you dumb bitch? I’m not just gonna make you squeeze yourself into my pants like a fucking human sausage. We can get the thing fitted for you, dude.”

“Isn’t that a lot of money? That I don’t have?”

“Yeah, probably? I don’t know for sure man, but if you’re that fucking concerned about cost I’ll cover it. You can consider it a wriggling day present.”

“That’s still a lot of money, Dave! I can’t let you spend a shit ton of money on me. I’ll just wait until I can afford to buy one myself.”

“Why, though?” You ask. “We have suits here right now, why bother waiting? If you’d rather not take it as a present then you can pay me back for half later.”

Karkat tilts his head. “Half?”

“Yeah. It’s not like I bought this suit for myself. I haven’t spent a dime on this shit, and I’m guessing the cost won’t be too fucking devastating between the two of us.”

Karkat considers your offer carefully. “I still don’t like that idea, but I’ll take it. Give me your least obnoxious suit.”

“That’s gonna be tough.” You admit. “I have a black one you might be into?”

You decide not to mention the iron-on patch of a butt you put on the lapel. It shouldn’t be too hard to remove, you hope. 

“I’ll take that one.”

You finish off the fashion show, and Karkat helps you pack up most of your old stuff into a box for Mr. Egbert to take. When he arrives to take your things, you ask him if he knows a good tailor you could talk to about getting some alterations done. When asked for more information about it, you explain that it’s for Karkat. He gives you a look that you can’t read very well and says it’ll be easier if you give the suit to him. You fold up the suit and place it on top of the box so it doesn’t get mixed up with the items inside the box. Mr. Egbert thanks you and ruffles your hair. 

Well, that ends that. You go back to your room to put what remaining clothes you have away.

“Hey, Karkat!” You yell from your doorway.

“What?”

“I just realized I gave away over half my wardrobe. Can I borrow some of your clothes for awhile?”

 

You rock some of Karkat’s clothes for awhile before you get some new ones of your own. Up until then (and a little past that) you steal his sweaters and sometimes his pants, both of which you have to roll up. 

Damn if you don’t look good, though. 

Unfortunately you can’t even mention how much you like wearing Karkat’s clothes without getting looks from people. Rose and Kanaya you understand, because for some fucked up reason Rose still thinks you may be developing a crush on Karkat unconsciously and has somehow dragged Kanaya into her theory. But John? Fucking John? He keeps giving you these big goofy smiles like he knows what you’re really talking about.

Which is ridiculous. Because you really are talking about how warm and nice Karkat’s sweater is. 

You’re not using his sweater as a metaphor for your feelings for him.

Fuck everybody.

The only benefit you got from all this Karkat discussion is that now you’re pretty good at changing the subject. During one of these sudden subject shifts, Rose teaches you a new game she’s been playing with Kanaya recently. She’d developed it to help strengthen her relationships with others (specifically Kanaya) and to learn things she may not have otherwise. 

The game is simple. You tap twice on someone’s hand and ask them a question. The other person has to answer the question immediately without leaving them enough time to overthink their answer, ensuring the most honest response possible. 

As an example, she taps on your hand. “Dave.”

“Yeah?”

“What’s your opinion on apple juice?”

“I fucking love it.”

Perfect.” She takes her hand back. “And that’s how you play.”

She calls it a stream of consciousness game.

Depending on how it’s played, it can be very informative or very intimate. 

You and Karkat play it in as many ways and as many places as you can. 

 

You’re sitting on the bus with Karkat on the way to Troll Foods. 

_Tap tap._

Karkat takes out an earbud.

“Do you miss Alternia?”

He blinks, surprised by your question and maybe more surprised by his answer. “Not as much as I thought I would.”

You and Karkat are getting ready to watch a movie. 

_Tap tap._

“Yeah?”

“How come you’re always wearing shades?”

“Aesthetic.” You shrug. “And my eyes are sensitive, too much light hurts them.”

_Tap tap._

“Who do you think would win in a fight, Vampire Vin Diesel or a Werewolf Will Smith?”

“Depends on who bites first.”

_Tap tap._

“How much ice cream is too much ice cream?”

“If you buy more than two gallons you don’t get to be in charge of the food budget anymore.”

“What about frozen yogurt?”

“Only two gallons!”

“What if I get two gallons and a pint?”

“Dude, _please._ " 

And on and on like that whenever either of you are particularly bored. You’ll admit, the game is more interesting than you thought it would be.

 

About a month after you gave Mr. Egbert your clothes, he comes by the apartment with a package for Karkat. You try to take the package from him, but he says he’d prefer to give it to Karkat himself and see him try it on to make sure it fits.

You invite Mr. Egbert inside. “Karkat, John’s dad is here with your suit!”

You hear some thumping in his room, followed by Karkat racing out of his room and to both of you. Karkat’s eyes are huge with excitement as he holds out his hands. Mr. Egbert hands him the package without a word, and Karkat runs back to his room with it.

You wait in the hall with Mr. Egbert while Karkat changes.

“How have you been, Dave?” He asks.

You shrug. “Can’t complain.”

“You’ve been taking care of yourself? Eating well? Sleeping?”

“Yeah.” You nod. Granted, you’re not eating quite as well as he’d want you to, but you have enough ramen to cover three square meals a day and sometimes Karkat tries to make real food. You stare straight ahead at Karkat’s door in case he could tell you’re technically lying. “I think I’ve been doing okay.”

Karkat exits his bedroom, fiddling with a tie that he seems to be struggling to make live up to its name and actually tie. 

“Karkat, you look like you’re having trouble with that.” Mr. Egbert gestures for him to come closer. “Let me help you.”

Karkat walks over to him obediently and takes his hands off the tie. Mr. Egbert ties it with deft fingers, tightening and straightening it carefully so it’s perfect. 

“There you are.”

“Thank you.” Karkat takes a step back and turns to you. “So? How do I look?”

There’s no other way to describe what he’s wearing other than as a plain old black suit. The buttons and his tie are grey. You note that your iron on ass patch has been removed. It’s a completely normal suit, nothing inherently special about it. But-

“You look amazing.”

He taps your hand. 

“Karkat, I mean it, honestly.” You laugh. “Really, you look great. Fucking superb, you’re really rocking the shit out of that suit.”

Karkat’s beaming. God he’s so happy to have this fucking suit. And he _should_ be happy to have it, he does look amazing! Really amazing! Fucking hot, even!

Fucking hot in a totally platonic sense. 

Obviously.

“You look good.” Mr. Egbert nods in agreement. “It looks like it fits well.”

“It does.” He’s smiling down at the floor and fidgeting with one of his sleeves. “Thank you.”

“Well, that’s all I came here for, so I suppose I’ll leave you two alone now.” Mr. Egbert announces. “Remember to call me if you need anything.”

“Oh, okay. I’ll walk you out.” 

Karkat goes back to his room, probably to change back into his old clothes. “Bye.”

You start walking to the door with him, which is actually a completely unnecessary gesture because you were only like ten feet away from it to begin with. 

“So, uh...” you say as you open the door for him, “how much do I owe you?”

“Nothing. The alterations were completely free of charge.”

God, he’s such a horrible liar. But you’re not gonna call him out for it. If he wants to do something nice for you guys then you’re not going to stop him. 

You will, however, sneak some money to John to sneak to his dad later. 

“Wow, that’s a pretty sweet deal.” You say, pretending to believe his obvious lie. “Thank you for doing this. And hey, come over whenever you want! We’d love to have you over more often.”

“Of course. I might take you up on that, Dave.” He starts to leave, but once he’s halfway out the door he takes a deep breath and turns around again. “I’m glad you’re both doing so well, you and Karkat seem very happy together.”

“Yeah,” you nod, “we are.”

He gives you another quick nod and exits. You close the door as you watch him walk disappear down the hall and to the stairwell. 

That was...a weird thing he said just now. A nice sentiment, yeah, but weird as hell. You can’t put your finger on why it was weird, though…

You brush some hair out of your face, and part of your sleeve unrolls and rubs against your face. That’s when you remember that you’re wearing one of Karkat’s sweaters.

Then everything clicks.

You’re wearing Karkat’s clothes. You pretty much told Karkat that you thought he looked hot right to his and Mr. Egbert’s face. Karkat was blushing the whole time like an anime school girl. You gave Karkat the suit as a present.

Oh.

_Oh._

He thinks you’re dating. 

John’s dad...the guy who is probably the closest thing you have to a dad...pretty much just told you he supports your relationship with Karkat. A relationship that you don’t have. Because you don’t have a thing for him at all.

Obviously.

 

You get another full night of telling yourself that before something else happens to seal your fate. 

You’re pulling an all nighter on some homework due Monday that you’d neglected to start sooner. In order to keep yourself awake, you’ve been alternating between downing energy drinks and cups of coffee. At one point you tried to put an energy drink in your coffee, but that tasted like puke and you physically couldn’t bring yourself to choke it down. 

Somehow, you manage to finish all of your homework. Granted, it’s mostly half assed and probably wrong, but the point is you’re done with it now and deserve sleep. You get ready for bed, yawning the entire time you do so. God, you’re exhausted. 

You yawn again, this time you catch a whiff of your breath and cringe. Your breath smells like shit. If you breathed directly into someone’s face you could probably kill a man. Running your tongue across your teeth verifies that not only is your breath horrible, but your teeth are fuzzy like they’re covered in a layer of moss. 

Maybe you should brush your teeth before bed.

You drag your feet towards the bathroom. It’s a little weird that the bathroom door is closed, but you don’t think anything of it until you turn on the light.

“ _AH!_ ”

“AH!” You cover your eyes and slam the door.

“Why would you just walk in unannounced like that, asshole?” 

“Why are you taking a bath with the lights off?”

There’s silence from the other side of the door for a minute. Then Karkat’s voice comes through the door, almost too quiet for you to hear. “Did you come in for something, Dave?”

“Yeah, I...I wanted to brush my teeth before bed. It’ll be a quickie, I promise.”

“You’re just getting to bed?” Karkat asks incredulously. “Dave, what the fuck?”

“Hey, I was doing my homework! What’s your excuse?”

“I have insomnia.”

“Okay, fair.”

He sighs. “You can come in and brush your dirty nubs now if you want. Just don’t look over here.”

“Okay.” You cover your eyes and start opening the door. “I’m coming in.”

Karkat snorts. “Yeah, I know, dunkass.”

You walk in. This time you’re not surprised by the sight of your roommate in a bath. The shower curtain is pulled tightly closed, all that’s visible is Karkat’s silhouette. 

Somehow that’s almost worse.

You open the medicine cabinet and pull out the toothpaste and your toothbrush while trying your best to not to so much as glance in his direction. It’s a little more difficult than you were expecting it to be. You can hear the water move, splashing in tiny waves against the porcelain as he shifts into a more comfortable position. You can hear his breathing, his sighs at having to share such a close space with you in what is now definitely an awkward and unwanted moment. 

You run your toothbrush under the tap. You continue to try not to look over his way, but you keep just barely catching yourself in the act.

It’s unbearably quiet in here.

“So,” you say casually in an attempt to break the tension, “it smells funky in here.”

Holy shit, was that the best you got? _It smells funky in here?_ What the fuck?

“It’s an Alternian ablution mix.” 

Oh, he responded to that stupid thing you said. Nice.

“An ablution mix?” You squirt some toothpaste on the brush. “So like, bath salts or something?”

“It’s closer to bubble bath. Here,” He sticks a wet grey arm out from behind the shower curtain and feels around on the floor before his fingers find a medium sized plastic bottle, “you can read the bottle if you want. There’s an english translation on the side.”

You take it, keeping your gaze fixed firmly on the bathroom door so you don’t accidentally peek anything you’re not supposed to be looking at. You study the bottle while you brush your teeth.

The bottle is clear plastic and filled almost all the way to the top with a vibrant green fluid. It’s a little thicker looking than most bubble bath soaps you’ve seen. The label is extremely colorful, swirled with purples and bright reds and greens that clash and almost hurt your eyes to look directly at. The Alternian on the front is written in bubble letters. Underneath it in a tiny font is the english translation Karkat mentioned in parenthesis. 

“Soapor Bubbles.” You mumble around your toothbrush. “Isn’t sopor illegal here?”

“Concentrated sopor in high quantities is, yeah.” Karkat replies. “Which is total hoofbeast shit. It’s a sleeping aid! Just because some people like to ingest it and speed up their pan rotting doesn’t make it a completely harmful substance! But no, humans decided to be idiots about it and make it illegal to use in the way it was intended. Fucking idiots.”

“Okay, so what’s this, then?”

“It’s sopor diluted with some other natural shit for use in ablution traps.” He explains. “The bottle says it’s the highest concentration that’s legally allowed on the planet, or at least on this part of the planet, right now. And using it in a trap like this is supposed to help simulate how it’s used in recuperacoons back on Alternia. I don’t usually give a shit about soporific products because they do absolutely fuck all for me, but this one’s new so I thought I’d try it out.”

“Oh.” You finish brushing your teeth and spit into the sink. “Is it working, then?”

“I don’t know.” Jesus, you can practically hear him roll his eyes. “Some prick interrupted me before I had a chance to relax.”

“Alright, alright, I’ll get out of your ass.” You set the bottle down by the tub. “Goodnight.”

You go straight to your room and collapse onto your bed. You can’t sleep, and not just because of all the caffeine still buzzing through your system. 

You can’t stop thinking about Karkat. 

That split second where you saw him in the bath. 

Okay, you didn’t see much. You saw his chest. But that was more than you’d ever seen before. 

His anatomy was a little different than you were expecting, but it shouldn’t have been much of a shock since you’ve seen trolls take their shirts off (and way more) on tv before. It was just...different because it was Karkat’s. 

His chest looked so smooth. Part of you wishes you’d touched it.

Another part of you wishes you’d seen more.

You curl up on your bed and groan into a pillow. Fuck, what’s wrong with you?

You’ve been trying to avoid it for a long time now, but you don’t think you can anymore. This isn’t the first image of Karkat you’ve burned into your memory and dwelled on in the middle of the night. 

Karkat smiling, his nose wrinkling every time he laughs at something stupid you said or a joke you made. Karkat, chewing on his bottom lip and brow furrowed in concentration, eyes out of focus as he’s completely lost in thought. Karkat rolling up his sleeves up to his elbows before he works on anything. 

Karkat, wearing a suit for the first time, face flushed with excitement and embarrassment and asking you how he looks.

And now this.

No, tonight wasn’t the first time you’ve thought about Karkat in a way that’s more than strictly friendly. Tonight’s experience was just more potent than they’ve ever been before. 

You’d be lying to yourself if you didn’t think this was a long time coming. This whole time, you’ve just barely been keeping the floodwaters of your feelings at bay, but this was the sudden crack that broke the dam. Now they’re all spilling out of your subconscious mind and filling you up so you have no choice but to admit it. 

You really do have a thing for Karkat.

 

Even though you’ve finally admitted your feelings to yourself, you manage to keep from revealing them to anyone else. You don’t tell John, you don’t say shit to Rose, and you definitely don’t mention anything to Karkat. Instead you keep it cool and act normal, as if nothing’s changed at all. Because really, what has? 

You became aware of feelings you already had for Karkat. Literally nothing is different now.

And for a few weeks, nothing changes.

Saturday Movie Night begins as normal. You and Karkat go to your local movie rental joint (gotta support your dying local businesses, you know how it is) and pick out a couple flicks. Karkat tells you you’re not allowed to pick The Room three times in a fucking row or he’ll blow his gasket all over this place and you’ll have to bleach all the gunk out of this shitty retro carpeting. You then ask him if gasket was his code for his troll load or what because that’s indecent as hell and probably illegal, Karkat, you could get arrested for that. Then you pick out another movie.

You both head on home with your movies, talking and figuring out which movie you’re going to watch first and what snacks you would have with it, since you’d gone grocery shopping a couple days prior. But when you round the street corner and saw your building, your plans for the night were put on hold.

From what you could see, there were no lights on in the whole building.

“Well that’s not frightening at all.” You comment.

Karkat rolls his eyes. “Here, you big wriggler. Take my hand, I’ll lead you through the darkness and to the relative safety of our hive.”

You grab his hand. “My hero.”

Karkat leads you through the dark building and up the stairs to your apartment. Thank god for Karkat’s nocturnal vision. He opens the door, and just for good measure you try to turn the lights on. Of course, they stay off.

“Jesus, I think we’re having a building wide blackout.” You sigh. “Guess movie night’s cancelled this week.”

“This is a crockpot full of slow cooked shit.”

“I totally agree. We should probably hole up in the living room til the electricity’s back. You head over there, I’m gonna go find some candles.”

You use the flashlight on your phone to help you navigate to the closet. You find about two big candles and one of those little tea light candles held inside a little ceramic jack-o-lantern. You gather them all up and start heading towards the living room, still using your phone as a guide.

Karkat is sitting on the floor and holding a tub of ice cream on his lap. 

You set the candles down on the table. “Dude, what the fuck are you doing?” 

“If the electricity’s out, this shit’s gonna melt to a soupy waste in a few hours. We need to get our money’s worth out of this.” He shoves a spoon into the ice cream. “There’s another in the freezer if you want to get started on it.”

“Damn, sounds like I might have to.” You dig a lighter out of your pocket and toss it over to him. “Light these, alright?”

You head towards the kitchen. Just as Karkat said, there’s another gallon of ice cream in the freezer. You pop the lid off and stab a spoon into the full carton. 

There’s light when you walk back into the living room. The radius is small, but the light bathes what little of the room it reaches with a warm, soothing glow. You can see Karkat better now. He’s sitting right beside one of the candles, his face caressed by the soft light. 

Seems like everything you heard about candle light being romantic as fuck was correct.

You swallow and tell your heart to calm the hell down. Karkat’s literally sitting on the floor eating a gallon of ice cream. What is there to freak out about? Stop it.

You sit down on the floor across from him and break into your ice cream. “I told you two gallons was way more than enough.”

“I still disagree.” Karkat says, shoveling more ice cream into his mouth. “We could’ve gotten more.”

“You’re really gonna say that? Take a look at our current situation. How the fuck would more ice cream be beneficial to us right now? The only way I could think to make this predicament any fucking worse than it already is is if we added more ticking dairy soup bombs into the mix.”

“More ice cream would only be a negative in this exact situation.” He counters. “Just how many more times do you think this kind of dumb shit is going to happen? Unless your answer is once every fucking week for the rest of our god awful lives, then I’ll accept that as a legitimate argument. Until then, shut the fuck up and eat your ice cream.”

“I think you might have a legit problem with ice cream.”

He pops the spoon out of his mouth. “No.”

“Fantastic counter argument. I have no rebuttal to that.”

You both keep eating the ice cream. You’re honestly getting no joy out of this whatsoever and are only eating it to prevent having to deal with a big puddle of rancid milk later. Honestly, after this you’re probably never gonna want to eat ice cream again.

You get a good way through the gallon before you have to stop. 

“Karkat,” you groan as you flop onto the ground and hold your stomach, “I can’t go on. I’m dying. You’ll have to carry on for the both of us. Here,” you slide your ice cream closer to him with your foot, “take it. I believe in you and your weird alien dairy absorbing biology.”

He rolls his eyes at you again. “You’re such a fucking grub, Dave. What, you ate too much sweetened cow juice and now you have to take a nap because you gave yourself a tummy ache scorfing it down too fast?”

You nod. “Yes, exactly that.”

“Lightweight.” He scoffs as he lays down on the carpet next to you. “At this rate we’re never gonna get through all this ice cream before it melts into garbage.”

“Yeah, especially with you apparently tapping out, you ice cream monster.”

“Hey, you quit first.”

You both lay there on the floor next to each other. You watch the light from the candles shifting on the ceiling. The movement is almost hypnotic, it takes your mind off of all the ice cream in your stomach, at least. 

There’s a soft _tap tap_ on the back of your hand. “Yeah?”

“Have you ever been in love, Dave?”

“Jesus,” you laugh out of shock and turn your face to him, “what the fuck brought that on?”

He shrugs. “I don’t know. I was just wondering, I guess.”

“I don’t think so. I’ve had crushes before, and I’ve dated some. But...I don’t think I’ve been in love before.”

You _tap tap_ on Karkat’s hand. “What about you? Have you ever been in love?”

“Fuck, yes. I fall in love all the time. Constantly.”

You _tap tap_ on his hand again. “Are you in love now?”

He blushes. A small smile spreads across his face. “ Maybe. I don’t know for sure.”

Maybe. Your heart sinks a little. 

You hate yourself for it. You should be happy for Karkat! He’s your friend! He might be in love and that’s great.

It’s great.

_Tap tap._

“Are you okay, Dave?”

“Yeah, I’m fine. Stomach’s mellowing out, I think.”

He frowns. You both know that’s not what he meant. You clearly had something on your mind. But technically you answered his question, and there’s nothing he can do about that.

_Tap tap._

“Karkat, do you really think there’s any way we can eat all this ice cream?”

“Fuck no, but I’m ready to do it or die trying.”

You laugh. “Okay, I can get behind that. I think I can try eating some again. Switch ice creams with me?”

“Yeah, okay.” He sits up and trades ice creams with you.

You sit up and take small, experimental tastes of Karkat’s. Your stomach protests a bit, but not as badly as before. This is definitely something you’ll regret in the morning.

_Tap tap._

“What’s your opinion on chocolate ice cream?” 

“Honestly? A little overrated. It’s alright, but out of the three classic flavors, it’s the shittiest.”

On and on, your night continues like this. You eat your ice cream, ask questions, lay on the floor. Time doesn’t feel like it’s moving, but your phone with its dwindling battery life and the dripping wax of the candles says otherwise.

_Tap tap._

“When’s the last serious relationship you’ve had?”

“Define serious.”

“Seven months or longer.”

“Fucking never, then, I guess.”

_Tap tap._

“You ever had a relationship you regretted?”

“Most of them.” Karkat replies immediately. “Probably Sollux the most. We were on and off during high school, and that was mostly my fault. I wasn’t sure what I wanted with him, my emotions were spread all over the goddamn grid like the lines weren’t even there.”

“Are you on with him now?”

“No. We split up a few weeks before graduation. We’re still friends, but I think we’re going to be staying off from now on.”

_Tap tap._

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“The greatest rapper/film director who ever lived.”

“Realistically.”

“An archeologist.”

_Tap tap._

“What do you want to be when you grow up?”

“A film critic.”

“Realistically.”

“A failed critic.”

_Tap tap._

“Did you ever think we would be friends, Dave?”

“Honestly? Not really.”

_Tap tap._

“What was your worst heartbreak?”

“Wow, clearly I’ve been going easy on you.” Karkat laughs.

“You don’t have to answer if you don’t want to.”

“Yes I do.” He replies. “And it’s alright, it was awhile ago so I don’t really give a shit about it anymore.”

“Alright, if you say so.”

“It was the end of our sophomore year of high school. At this point I’d known John for roughly a whole sweep. I...developed a crush on him pretty early on-”

“-uh, yeah, I’d say. It was pretty damn obvious. Everyone and their fucking mom knew that.”

“-shut up! Do you want to hear my story or not?”

“Sorry, yeah. Continue.”

“The last week of school, I convinced myself it was the perfect time to uh...confess my feelings to him. I spent most of the week going over what I would say in my head. I had this whole horrible confession memorized. I almost recited a poem, but I decided against it and fuck, that was the best decision I ever made. I even went through different scenarios in my head over how I thought he might react. Good ones where he said yes and agreed to a date with me immediately, and bad ones where he outright rejected me.”

“Sounds like you were prepared.”

“Yeah, I thought I was. But of course, since life seems to enjoy fucking me over in the most sadistic way imaginable, I wasn’t prepared for what ended up happening.”

“What’d he say?”

“I don’t remember exactly what he said anymore, but it was along the lines of ‘thanks I guess’. Then he left.”

“Whoa, wait, what the fuck? He just _left?_ You were like ‘hey, I love you’ and he was like ‘cool, peace out’? What the fuck?”

“That’s exactly what I thought! I mean, we’ve talked about it since then and I get it _now_ but at the time I just kept thinking ‘What the fuck? What did I do wrong?’ and I spent the whole summer holed up in my hive replaying it over and over and whining to anyone who listened.”

“That’s...wow. That was harsh.”

So that’s what happened to Karkat that summer. And you guess that explains why he was so freaked out that one time he saw John that summer at the gas station. God, you feel like such an asshole for being happy to not have him around at the time.

“Before you try to ask me about my worst heartbreak, same.”

“Same?”

“John. Same.”

“You can’t just say same! That’s not a real answer!”

“It is if I say it is.” You counter, grinning. “Same.”

“ _Fine._ Fine, whatever.” Karkat huffs. “I have no question, then.”

“It’s cool, I got one.”

_Tap tap._

“Karkat,” whether it’s a whim, or because you can’t stop thinking about why Karkat would start a game with a question about your love life, or because you simply can’t hold yourself back anymore, you somehow ask an impossible question, “do you like me.”

His anwer’s immediate. “Yes.”

“No, I mean…” god, this is embarrassing, “do you _like_ like me?”

He bursts out laughing. “Dave, what the hell? Are you twelve?”

“Yes.” 

“Yeah,” Karkat admits. He rolls his eyes again, but the gesture’s ineffective because of his big goofy smile and the blush creeping across his face, “I like like you. I like like you a lot.”

_Tap tap._

“What about you?”

“What _about_ me?”

“Dammit, Dave, don’t be difficult!” Karkat bangs a fist against your chest lightly. “Do you like like me, too, or not?”

“ _Of course_ I like like you, too.” You’re smiling like an idiot. “I can’t believe you even felt like you had to ask that.”

“Well, _you_ did!” He counters, as if his feelings for you had been obvious.

Fuck, maybe they had been and you were just too blinded trying to hide your own feelings that you hadn’t even noticed.

_Tap tap_.

“When’s the last time you kissed someone?”

Karkat gives you a devious look. “It’s been awhile.”

“Do you want to change that?”

“Fuck, yes.”

And that’s all the cooercement you need. You practically fling yourself at Karkat, bumping your faces together in a way that is both embarrassing and slightly painful. Your shared eagerness and awkwardness makes you both laugh. Through a fit of giggles, your lips finally meet his.

His mouth is sweet and sticky and feels warm pressed against yours. It’s amazing. 

It lasts all of three seconds before you both pull away. You can’t concentrate on trying to kiss him because you can’t believe this is happening. You’re both still laughing. Karkat gives you another quick peck before nuzzling his face into your neck. His face is warm against your skin. He _tap taps_ against your chest.

“So you really like me?”

“Karkat, holy shit.” You laugh. “We just kissed! You really think you have to ask me that?”

“Shut the fuck up and answer my question, asshole.”

“Yes, Karkat, I like you.” You can’t stop smiling, it feels so good to say. “I really do.”

It’s a good night.

 

You wake up to banging at your front door and a sour feeling in your stomach. That would be all the ice cream. You crack open an eye and everything is so bright you have to squint.

All the lights are on. “Oh, sweet, the electricity’s back.”

You sit up and stretch a bit because fuck, your back is sore as shit. It feels like someone’s been tap dancing a lively jig across your spine all night long. As you stretch, you notice something beside you stir.

It’s Karkat, fast asleep on the floor in an almost fetal position. Just looking at him and remembering what happened last night is enough to bring a smile to your face. He looks so sweet, asleep like that. Speaking of sweet…

Seems like you and Karkat didn’t accomplish last night’s goal of saving the ice cream from soupification. Over half of it went to waste after all. 

Oh well, can’t win them all.

Karkat’s snoring, you’re not sure how you didn’t notice that before. It’s not a bad sound, but it’s loud. Probably explains why you didn’t hear the knocking at first. 

_Right, the door._

You scramble to your feet and fling it open.

There stands Rose, well dressed and annoyed.

“Fuck, I missed brunch!”

She nods. “You missed brunch.”

“God, Rose, I’m so sorry,” you run a hand through your messy and currently kind of greasy hair, “there was a blackout last night so my phone’s been dead for awhile and my alarm’s on my phone so it didn’t go off and I didn’t wake up but fuck that’s no real excuse it’s an explanation at best I’m sorry.”

Rose sighs. “You can tell me all about how you managed to miss brunch at our impromptu early to moderately timed lunch. Go get changed into something presentable, I’ll wait.”

“Okay, cool.” You nod and let her inside. “Thanks, I’ll be quick.”

You run to your room just as Rose explores Karkat in the remains of last night’s events. Knowing Rose, she’ll probably wake Karkat up. As you pull on one of his sweaters, you wonder if he’ll tell her about anything that happened the night before.

“DAVE AND I KISSED YESTERDAY!”

Well, that answers that.

You run a comb through your hair and head back to the living room. Rose is grinning smugly at you.

“What happened to ‘I don’t have a crush on Karkat’?”

You shrug. “Lied. Ready to go?”

“Yes.” She nods before glancing over to Karkat. “You should invite your boyfriend out to lunch with us, Dave. Clearly we have a lot to talk about.”

Rose exits, leaving you to ask Karkat by yourself.

“So, uh…” you stare awkwardly at your feet, “lunch?”

He snorts. “Sure.”

You wait for him to get changed into something that isn’t last night’s clothes. It doesn’t take him very long, especially since he left his hair as is.

“Can you believe Rose just technically arranged our first date?” You say incredulously as you lock the door behind you.

“ _I_ can’t believe she called me your boyfriend” Karkat counters as you walk down the hall together.

“Well you are, aren’t you?”

It only seems to strike him then that this is true. He smiles.

“Yeah,” Karkat takes your hand and squeezes it tightly, “I guess I am."

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading!!!


	3. Lovers

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for the delay, but here it is! The conclusion to the roommates enemies to friends to lovers fic!  
> Thank you everyone who left such positive feedback on the first two chapters, I hope you enjoy this final chapter, too <3

If you went back in time and told the you from a year ago that you’re in a happy relationship with your long time pseudo-acquaintance/ enemy in crushdom Karkat “loudmouth asshole” Vantas... you would have been so fucking relieved that your relationship has lasted longer than a year.

If you were to go back two years, though, then you wouldn’t have been so quick to believe future you. It would be just like you to make up ridiculous shit like that as a joke on yourself. Because god, it would be so ironic for you to end up in love with a guy you couldn’t stand for years.

Well, no, it wouldn’t just _be_ ironic. It _is_ ironic. You’re dating Karkat and living every Strider’s ironically romantic dream. 

Now that you think about it, this might also cover at least one of Karkat’s cliche romantic comedy dreams, too. Seems like you both struck gold in this relationship, getting to live out some domestic fantasy shit as well as all the other benefits that come from being in love with someone.

“Hey,” Karkat walks into your room, toweling his hair dry. It doesn’t look like he bothered to towel off the rest of him before throwing on something that would pass for pajamas. Not that you mind. “what the fuck are you still doing awake?”

“Oh, you know.” You shrug as you watch a particular drop of water trickle from Karkat’s neck and travel in a lazy line down his chitinous and smooth chest. It slips past one of his hips and soaks into the hem of his loose and overworn sweatpants. “Studying. What about you? Couldn’t help but notice you’re still awake at butt-thirty a.m.”

He throws the towel over his shoulder and rubs one of his eyes with his hand. “Couldn’t sleep. I thought a hot ablution might help.”

“And?” You coax as you close the textbook laying heavily on your lap. “Did your bath help?”

“A little.” Karkat stretches his arms over his head. “I definitely feel less shitty than I did earlier. More relaxed. If I lay down and concentrate as hard as I can, I should pass the fuck out eventually.”

You snort. “Aren’t you supposed to clear your mind when you’re trying to conk out? You know, get everything all quiet and empty up in there so the sandman has some room to throw shit around in your brain space?”

“I have almost no idea what the hell kind of words came out of your mouth, but yes.”

“So why don’t you try...I don’t know...not thinking? Just a suggestion.”

“Dave, I think we both know I’m totally incapable of doing that.” He sighs. “ I’m a piece of shit who overthinks every little insignificant motherfucking thing, I can’t just shut my screaming pan down for the night on command, if there was a mute button I busted that thing ages ago.”

“Okay, one, you’re not a piece of shit. The only nugget of anything you are is a big ol hunk of gold. If you even try to deny this fact, I’ll hit you really hard with this pillow until your accept it. Second thing, stop standing over there like an awkward fuckwad and hop into my bed like I know you’re dying to already.”

He blushes at being called out so quickly, but doesn’t step any closer. “Won’t that distract you from all the studying you’re apparently doing?”

“Like you’re not distracting me now?” You counter. “Babe, seriously, just come over here. It’s no big deal.”

You beckon him forward with a finger, subtly scooting over to make more room for him. He rolls his eyes at you and tries to hold back a grin, but he can’t. 

“Okay,” he laughs and tosses his wet towel onto a pile of your dirty clothes, “if that’s what you really want, I’ll come over and distract you up close and personal.”

Karkat crawls into bed beside you, burying himself deep under the blankets. You can feel one of his horns gently nudge against your side. 

“I don’t know why you always make such a big budget production out of coming in here when you practically live in my room, anyway.” You say, absently running your fingers through his damp hair. “Don’t get me wrong, it’s cute as fuck, I’m just kinda wondering why you don’t just come and sleep in here without me having to prompt you.”

“I don’t know.” One of his hands is resting on your leg, his fingers curling and uncurling the fabric of your pajamas. “What if you don’t want me in here? What if you want privacy some night and I just bust into your block like the most brazen asshole in existence and you don’t kick me out, and then you start to resent me for being a shit-”

You bop him with a pillow.

“Ow! Dave, what the fuck?” He sits up and glares at you. “I was being sincere and emotionally vulnerable with you and you just...you...you fucking hit me with a pillow!”

“Uh...yeah? I told you I was gonna hit you with a pillow if you started calling yourself a piece of shit, and then there you went like two minutes later, self deprecating and calling yourself a piece of shit again! I had to hit you with a pillow, Karkat, I am a man of my word.”

“Yeah, well…” Karkat takes his hand and rubs it down your face in an exaggerated stroke, “fuck you.”

“Maybe some other time.” 

He grumbles and flops back down onto your leg, pulling the blanket over his head again. “Get back to studying, bulgepan.”

“On it.” You reach your hand under the blanket and resume stroking and detangling his wet hair between your fingers. “You get back to trying to sleep, dunkass.”

You go back to reading your textbook as carefully as you can. There’s no sound in your room aside from your and Karkat’s breathing. You’re eighty percent certain he’s asleep. You try your best to study as he sleeps, but you feel like you’re not making any progress. You don’t know how long you’re looking at this page for. Longer than you should be, you think.

After awhile, Karkat pokes his head out of the blanket and stares up at you. “Dave, are you alright? You’ve been mumbling the same paragraph over and over again for twenty minutes.” 

“What?” You shake your head to wake yourself up and rub your eyes with your hand. “Sorry, I didn’t notice. You sleep, I’ll try to keep my study talk to a minimum.”

“It’s okay, I don’t give a shit about that. What I do give a shit about is that you seem like you’re having trouble focusing on actually reading.” One of Karkat’s hands leaves the blanket. “Do you want me to read it to you?”

“Karkat, no.” You bat his hand away. “You can’t read this, you need to sleep.” 

“Yeah, because I’m sure I’ll be so invested in your textbook that I just stay up all fucking night reading it. I assume, like most textbooks, it’s a real page turner.” He reaches out for the book again. “Come on, give it to me. I want to help you study.” 

You don’t want to make him read it, but you also don’t have the energy to read it yourself. Plus the likelihood of Karkat falling asleep part way through your oh so exciting textbook is more than likely. Really, this benefits both of you. That and you also don’t have the energy to argue with him about this any further.

“Okay, fine.” You concede, handing the book over to Karkat. “Here. Try not to bore yourself to death.”

Karkat pushes himself up into a sitting position so he can read easier. You rest your head on his shoulder so you can try to read along with him. “Where were you?”

You lean over him and point out the paragraph you remember reading last. It’s about halfway down the page. Once he finds the spot, you settle down more comfortably against him and wrap your arms around his waist, holding him as closely as you possibly can. Karkat clears his throat and starts reading. 

You can feel as much as hear the soft rumble of his voice as he reads. His voice is soothing, comforting on a level you wouldn’t have thought him capable of before. It’s so sweet it’s like pouring warm honey into your ears except considerably less uncomfortable and sticky. You wish all your books were narrated by Karkat.

Karkat’s calm, quiet voice and the boring, dull contents of your textbook turn out to be a deadly combination for you, and you end up yawning and blinking rapidly to try in vain to stay awake. Even though your vision is blurred with tiredness you’re doing your damnedest to ignore, you see Karkat smirk out of the corner of your eye as he continues reading. It’s only a few more minutes before he’s reading through a yawn of his own. He leans his head against yours. His voice grows heavier and slower as the minutes pass and the sleep that was eluding him so effortlessly before finally seeps in. 

You don’t know which of you falls asleep first. Eventually, you close your eyes and listen to Karkat’s sweet, thick molasses voice in the darkness. He’s stumbling over his words more and more while you feel your consciousness start to slip. As you give in and finally fall asleep, you think you can hear him start to snore. 

You wake up to the sound of your alarm blaring. Despite your alarm being closer to Karkat than to you, he hasn’t so much as stirred. You lean over him and shut it off before attempting to climb out of bed without disturbing him. 

You don’t succeed. 

Karkat groans and sits up, from his face you can tell he’s still half asleep. His hair is sticking up everywhere, worse than usual since he thought sleeping with it wet was a good idea. He reaches a hand over to the bedside table and fumbles with a lamp without bothering to look at it. You’re halfway through getting dressed by the time he manages to turn the light on.

You lean down and kiss him on the forehead as you button your shirt. “Good morning.”

He blinks at you, his eyes unfocused. “What’s so good about it?”

“Your face.” You finish buttoning your shirt and start looking around for a clean pair of pants. “Did you sleep well?”

“Well enough.” You have your back turned to him, and you hear the springs on the bed when he shifts to standing. 

He shuffles over to you. From the corner of your eye you see him drag the blanket off after him. Karkat ruffles your hair on the way out your bedroom door. “I’m going to make some coffee.” 

By the time you give up on your search for clean pants, the smell of coffee is wafting in from the kitchen. You sigh and dig out a pair of pants that looks cleanish and throw them on before you head to the kitchen. 

Karkat’s standing at the stove, again with his back to you. He has the blanket wrapped around him. The only parts of him visible are his face and his hands, one holding the blanket closed and the other working with a pan of scrambled eggs. 

“Glad you finally dragged your lazy ass out here,” Karkat says, “breakfast’s almost ready.” 

“Thanks.” You pour yourself a cup of coffee and put your face in the steam, inhaling deeply. “God, Karkat, you’re so fucking sweet on me that just being near you gives me a mouthful of cavities.” 

You grab a fistful of blanket and tug on it. He takes the hint and turns around to face you. You pull him closer, your free hand on his hip and your faces pressed close together.

“Move in with me, Karkat.” 

His face breaks into a huge grin, and he laughs. It’s a loud and full and perfect sound. It’s enough to make your heart skip a beat. 

“Dave, I don’t know how to break this to you without running the risk of you shitting yourself in surprise and ruining my impeccably clean floor,” he laughs, “but I moved in with you a whole sweep ago.” 

“Oh fuck, I had no idea. Guess that explains why all your shit is here.” You roll your eyes and press your forehead against his. “Obviously I’m well aware of our living arrangement. I meant you should move in to my room.” 

“Your room?” He raises an eyebrow quizzically at you. 

“Yeah. It’s like, the next big step in our relationship since we already live together. Plus you’re already in there all the time, anyway. You should just move all your shit out of your room and into mine.” You kiss him lightly. “So what do you say? Wanna go all the way with me? Share my room and bed on an official full time basis?”

Karkat kisses you, long and deep and coffee tinged. He bites your bottom lip gently and grins at you. “Sure, I’d love to share a block with you. Now choke this shit down before you’re late for class.”

“Ugh.” You groan and thunk your head onto his shoulder. “Morning classes were a mistake.” 

Karkat pats your shoulder. “Oh, I am well aware of that.” 

Karkat helps you get all of your shit together while you eat your scrambled eggs and toast as fast as you can. You throw your heavy as hell backpack over your shoulder and kiss Karkat goodbye.

“I’ll see you tonight?”

“Of course.” He snorts. “Where else would I be?”

“Perfect. I’ll get you dinner tonight and we can start moving you in asap.”

“Looking forward to it.” He kisses you goodbye a second time. Karkat leans in to it, his tongue slipping into your mouth in a way that has your heart in early morning hysterics. He laughs and pushes the door behind you open. “Now hurry up and go so I can be excited to see you later.”

“I’m going, I’m going!” You hold your hands up in front of you and walk backwards out the door so you can look at him for as long as possible. He grins at your dumbassery and waves to you until you reach the stairwell.

You feel like you’re walking on clouds the whole day. Your face hurts from smiling so much. Karkat’s going to share not only an apartment, but a room with you. It doesn’t get more personal and intimate than that. 

You’re so happy, and you’re excited to tell everyone about this big new step in your life with Karkat.

 

By Sunday you almost have Karkat’s whole room moved into yours. Honestly, it’s getting a little cramped in your room since it’s now full of both of your shit and you both refuse to get rid of any of your stuff. All that’s left in Karkat’s room is his recuperacoon, his books, and some other junk in the back of his closet that you’ve both just been too lazy to move just yet. 

You have two plans for Sunday. First, brunch with Rose and Kanaya. Second, moving the rest of Karkat’s crap. 

Hopefully you can somehow convince Rose and Kanaya to help you out with the second thing.

How?

By making them a bitching brunch, of course.

Somewhere around ten thirty, there’s a rapid knock on your door. Before you’re able to react to it and even move from your current place at the stove, you hear Karkat scramble at top speed and throw it open. This is followed by what you’re pretty sure is the sound of Karkat launching himself at both of them.

“Welcome back!” He’s so excited he’s practically shouting as he walks them down the hall and over to the living room. “How was your honeymoon?”

“It was beautiful.” Rose answers.

Shit, you know she’s only been gone for a week, but it’s nice to hear her voice again.

“Absolutely perfect.” Kanaya adds.

“Tell me all about it.”

“Karkat,” Rose says as you start trying to calculate how much coffee you should make, “I’m sure you must have seen the pictures we sent you already?”

“Of course I saw the fucking pictures, Rose.” Karkat replies. “And don’t get me wrong, these are some beautiful and very personal photos that you sent to everyone and their fucking lusus in a mass text, but you’re home now and I’m dying to hear the details behind all of these selfies of you making out in front of cultural landmarks and this one blurry picture of Kanaya’s thumb. Forgive me for taking an interest in my friend’s lives. What, you want me to beg, Rose? Is that what you want? You’re gone for a week and now you want to shift our fragile power balance so it’s tipped further in your favor?”

“Yes, Karkat. Obviously that’s exactly what I want. Get on your knees and beg me to tell you about my honeymoon.” Rose’s voice is dripping with sarcasm. “Did we really send a picture of her thumb?”

“Yes, you did. Either that or some gray blurry blob monster chose to attack the Louvre and you and the media decided it just wasn’t newsworthy enough to make the cut.”

One of them must take out their phone and start looking through the photos, because the next thing you hear is Rose, saying “Fuck, I thought we deleted that.”

“I guess we deleted the wrong one.” 

“So our honeymoon-”

You start tuning out the conversation, deciding instead to focus on the task at hand. You’re sure you’ll hear about their honeymoon later. Soon you think you won’t be able to stop hearing about it. Instead you focus on the half of the brunch you’re cooking. You’re still not a very good cook, but you’re trying your best.

Of course, your best means jack squat when you don’t understand how to cook properly, so Karkat stuck you with the easy stuff. Because you have the easy stuff, it doesn’t take you very long to cook your part. You pour four cups of coffee nearly up to the brim and carry two of them carefully into the living room.

Rose and Kanaya are on the couch, there’s about a cushion of space between them. They’ve both put one of their hands on the middle cushion, Kanaya’s hand not exactly holding Rose’s, but resting on top of it. The gold of her wedding ring stands out against her gray skin. 

Karkat’s sitting cross legged on the floor, his chin propped up by his hands. He’s leaning against the coffee table, his eyes big and starry as he listens to them intently, as if they’re recounting the most beautiful story in the history of fucking everything ever. And given that this is Karkat, it just might be. 

“Hello, Dave.” Rose turns her head and looks up at you. “Did you want to take a seat or were you planning to continue standing over us like that?”

“Yeah, I’m cool with popping a squat but first would anyone enjoy this hot cup of steamy beany caffeiney?”

Kanaya grimaces. “Not if you call it that.” 

“I’ll take it.” Rose volunteers, taking her hand back from under Kanaya’s. “I have no shame drinking anything as long as it’s hot and caffeinated.”

“I hope this isn’t your way of telling me you plan on microwaving more energy drinks when we go home.”

“Of course not.” Rose sips her coffee. “I would never give you the benefit of a warning, Kanaya, my darling. You know that.”

“Karkat, it’s your turn in the kitchen.” You gesture over in its general direction. “I fixed you a joe on the counter. And there’s another one there if you want it, Kanaya.”

“Thanks, babe.” Karkat stands up and kisses your cheek. “Kanaya, come with me? You were still telling me about your honeymoon.”

“Alright.” Kanaya nods and follows him to the kitchen. “As I was saying, Rose and I were partaking in a late dinner on our hotel room’s balcony-”

“Rose,” You sit down on the couch beside her, “I’ve got some real important news I need to drop on you.”

“Do you?” She leans in, intrigued. “And what is this news pertaining to? Drop it on me.”

“It’s about me and Karkat.” You’re so excited to tell her about this you can hardly contain yourself. “I asked him something.”

“Asked him something?” 

“Yeah.” You nod. “A really big something about our relationship. I blew a question bubble and floated it over his way and he popped that shit with one delicately sharp clawed answer.”

“Alright. Then what?” Rose prompts, inching closer. “What did he say?”

“Karkat agreed to it.” There’s a smile spreading across your face that you don’t bother to fight off. “He said yes.”

“Oh my god. Dave,” she sets her cup of coffee down on the table and takes your hand in both of hers, “that’s wonderful.”

Rose pulls you into a hug. It’s so surprising you don’t have time to put your cup of coffee down, and some of it sloshes dangerously close to the rim. She squeezes you tight. 

“I’m so happy for you.”

“Thanks, Rose.” You hug her back. 

There’s a hitch in her breathing that almost makes it sound like she’s crying. Holy shit, this may be the most emotional you’ve ever seen Rose get in her life. She pulls away from you and wipes at her eyes with the back of her hand. 

“So,” she says, picking up her coffee cup and trying to regain her composure, “what brought this on?”

“I don’t know, it just...felt right, y’know?” You shrug. “Like it was the natural next step.”

“I know what you mean.” Rose nods. “Even so, I’m surprised you were able to gather the nerve to ask. How long did that take you?”

“Honestly? It was pretty much instantaneous. I thought about it for a night and then I just went for it.”

“Wow,” she snorts, “how uncharacteristically brave of you.”

“I’m like that sometimes. Gotta keep you on your toes, can’t just have you thinking you’ve got me all pinned down in that little psychologist brain of yours.”

“How long has it been? How many people have you told?”

“It hasn’t even been a week yet, and of course you’re the first person I told.”

“Of course.” Rose smiles. “Have you started planning what you want to do? I imagine seeing as you’ve taken the rest of your relationship so slowly that you’re going to be just as slow if not more so with this as well.”

“No, actually we’ve already got everything all figured out.” You admit. “If everything goes well today, I think we’ll have everything all set. We should be able to share a bed on a permanent basis by tomorrow, sometime this week at the latest.”

“Wow, that soon?” Rose says incredulously. “Dave, I’m happy for you, of course, but don’t you think that’s a little fast? You can’t possibly have everything planned out perfectly in such a short amount of time. And don’t you think it’ll look a little like you’re copying me if you get married so shortly after I did?”

You swear you hear a record scratch.

“If I do what?” You repeat. “Rose, what the fuck are you talking about?”

“You and Karkat. You said you proposed and he said yes.” The growing look of shock on your face must tell her otherwise. “Is that not what you meant? Dave, what were you talking about?”

“Of course it’s not what I was talking about!” Holy fuck, she thought? But how could she think that? You’re not ready for marriage! You’re freaking out just at the thought of it. “I asked Karkat to move into my room with me!”

“Dave. Dave, holy shit.” Rose groans exasperatedly, covering her mouth with her hand. “That’s not news. That’s barely anything. Dave, you already live together.”

“I...yeah, we do.” You rub your hand across your face and sigh. “Fuck, I guess…maybe this wasn’t such a big deal, after all.”

“You’re right, it’s not.” Ouch. “It’s still a deal, though, and I am happy for you and Karkat. Although I’m not quite as excited about the two of you sharing a room as I would be if you were engaged-”

“That much was obvious.”

“-I am still excited and I’ll help you both out in whatever way you need.”

“Thanks, Rose.” You mumble into your coffee cup. “We did want some help moving the rest of Karkat’s shit. And if you know anybody who might need a spare recuperacoon.”

“I can’t think of anyone, but I’ll keep my eyes open and let you know.”

 

After a brunch you believe deserves a place in the top ten brunches of all time, Rose and Kanaya help you move the stuff. You’re less happy about this event than you thought you would be earlier today. You try not to let that show, but you must do a pretty shitty job at it, because they leave sooner than you expected they would. 

Your thoughts are clouded as you watch Karkat move one last box of junk out of his closet. Rose thought...that you were engaged. She thought that you asked Karkat to marry you. What the fuck. 

You’d never thought about it before. But now…

Now you can’t stop thinking about it.

You were distracted most of the afternoon with finding good places to put all of Karkat’s shit and rearranging your own to accommodate. God, you’d never realized until now how much fucking junk you had. Just the thought of that and coming up with fun, witty comments to hurl at Karkat while the two of you worked was enough to shove all other thoughts to the very back corner of your mind. 

But once that was done with and you had nothing to do but lay in bed and stare up into the dark ceiling, it crept out of its tiny corner, spreading and festering like mold deep into every nook and cranny of your poor fleshy brain until there was only one thing left on your mind:

Marriage.

You’ve never really given it much thought until today, and now you can’t stop thinking about it. Is it even something you want? To be married? To be somebody’s husband? Would you have even considered this optional at all if you hadn’t been prompted to by Rose?

You don’t know the answer to any of these. 

Fuck, shouldn’t you? Shouldn’t you know what your own damn opinion is about this? 

If you don’t get married, then what? You already share a roof and room with Karkat, what more is there for you to do? What you have right now, is this really as far as your relationship can go? Will go? Is this all there is?

Is this...enough?

Karkat shifts next to you on the bed and cuddles you closer to him in his sleep. His face is buried in the back of your neck and you can feel his warm breath against your skin and yeah...yeah, this is enough. 

There’s a soft tap tapping against your stomach. “Dave?”

“Yeah, Karkat?” You whisper back to him.

His face is still in your neck, and you can feel the gently tingling sensation of his sharp teeth on your throat. “Are you okay? You’ve seemed weird since brunch.”

“Yeah, I’m okay.” You intertwine his fingers with yours and squeeze. “Sorry, it’s nothing important, I didn’t mean to worry you.”

“It’s alright,” Karkat mumbles, kissing you sleepily, “anything you wanna talk about?”

“Nah.” You yawn. “Talking’s for awake people, and I don’t know about you, Karkat, but I am one sleepy bitch. Maybe in the morning.”

“I’m gonna hold you to that.” He yawns in reply and nips your shoulder. “Be prepared for a barrage of questions when you wake up at the asscrack of dawn, Dave. Fair warning.”

“Thanks, Karkat.” You snuggle against him. “Good night, my inquisitive rooster man.”

There’s a joke about cock in there someplace, but you don’t care enough to find it. 

“Night.”

“Dave. Dave. Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave Dave _Dave_ , wake up.” 

Karkat is poking you in the face. You swat at his hand and crack an eye open. Fuck, the light hurts your eyes. “Okay, I’m up. What the fuck is it? Something on fire? Is it me, am I on fire?”

You sit up and rub at your eyes. Karkat pushes a travel mug full of coffee at you. 

“Good morning, Dave, love of my life.” He sips his own cup of steaming coffee. “You have some questions to answer.”

“Okay, I guess I brought this on myself.” You sigh. “What time is it?”

“Six.” He answers promptly. “You have one class today at nine, and you switched shifts at the gas station so you don’t have to go to work until ten tonight. I still think that was a stupid as fuck decision, by the way. That means you have most of the afternoon today free, but tonight and most of tomorrow you’ll be busy, since you don’t get off work until five in the fucking morning. Then you have three classes tomorrow, two of which are morning classes because apparently you’re an idiot who can’t understand scheduling. The other’s in the late afternoon, so we’ll be able to see each other a little bit then, but I’m guessing you’ll probably want to sleep between classes. We won’t be seeing much of each other tomorrow, though, because I’m scheduled for a pretty long shift. Expect spam texting about how bored I am and how much I despise my coworker, Debra. Since you don’t have anything to do for the next couple hours, I think your answers to my questions can be pretty damn thorough. I’m expecting at least three pages of well thought out explanations and your sources properly cited.”

“Cool, I can do that.” You sniff your coffee and take an experimental sip. It’s strong and burns your tongue. “Can I ask a question, though?”

He shrugs. “Sure.”

“What are we doing for breakfast?”

He smiles at you. “I was thinking about frying up some bacon. Come with me to the kitchen?”

The bacon sizzles the moment it hits the hot frying pan. You lean against the counter and watch him as he cooks. 

“So what was with you yesterday?” Karkat asks, running a spatula over the crackling meat. “You were acting weird after brunch.”

“I had a misunderstanding with Rose.” You admit. “I told her we took a big step in our relationship and she thought…”

God, this is embarrassing to admit.

Karkat takes his attention off the food and tilts his head at you. “What did she think?”

You can already feel your face flush as you mumble into the rim of your mug. “She thought we were engaged.”

The spatula clatters to the floor. “Why the fuck would she think that?”

“I don’t know.” You shrug. “I guess it’s mostly my own fault for phrasing it how I did.”

Now that you think about it, you’re pretty sure you even said something along the lines of ‘popped a question’ at some point. Fuck, this really is on you, after all.

“And you were...you were upset about that?” Karkat asks. You can’t see his face when he bends down to pick the spatula back up, but his tone is uneasy. “Rose thinking we were engaged, it upset you?”

“No. No, no fuck no! Karkat, of course it didn’t upset me.” You’re quick to correct as you take the spatula from his hand and throw it in the sink. “It was just a lot to think about suddenly, you know? I’d never really thought about marriage that much before. Well no, I’ve thought about marriage before, of course, it’s impossible to not think about marriage when you’re best man slash backup dj at your sister’s wedding and you’re dating her wedding planner, but I’d never thought about it as something I would do. Or wouldn’t do. I mean-”

“It’s alright, I get it.” Karkat reaches over and tries to pap you without taking his eyes off the bacon. He manages to give you a pretty firm one right in the middle of your face. “Now shut the fuck up and get me a new spatula, since you tossed mine into the sink for no reason.”

You hand him a new one. “Bro, it was on the floor.” 

“Five minute rule, Dave.”

“It’s five seconds, you fucking nasty floor monster.” 

“It’s five minutes, and even if it wasn’t, the floor’s not that bad.” Karkat insists, moving some of the bacon off the pan and onto a plate. “We mopped it Saturday, remember?”

“Yeah, but that was a couple days ago, and there have been feet running all up and down this place, spreading their nasty toe germs all over this bitch. Karkat, our floor is just an overgrown foot. You want me to eat bacon that’s been touched by a foot? Is that what you want? You want me to eat feet? Pick at my teeth with a sharp toenail? God, Karkat, you’re more of a gross fetishy bastard than I thought.”

“If you keep talking about this, I swear to fuck I’ll cut off all my toes and shove them elbow deep down your throat one by one.”

“Saying that only proves me right.” You shake your head sadly. “Guess that just goes to show you, within every joke there really is a little golden kernel of truth.”

Karkat picks up a strip of rubbery bacon and shoves it in his mouth. “I’m prepared to take drastic measures and spit this directly into your mouth if you keep talking about feet in any way, shape, or form while I’m trying to cook.”

“Jesus, Karkat, you’re really pulling out all the stops on the yuck train tonight.” Karkat sticks his tongue full of bacon mush at you in response. You laugh. Fuck, you love him so goddamn much. “I get it, I’ll just have to be satisfied with shoving my own foot in my mouth for now.”

“Funny, sounds like you’re the one with the foot thing.” He rolls his eyes at you. “So you’ve given it some thought now? Marriage and all that shit?”

“Yeah, a little. I mean, a day’s not exactly a whole ton of time to really consider something that’s such a big and important fucking deal.” You shrug. “But I did think about it.”

Karkat nods. “So what _do_ you think about it?”

“I think…” hm. You tap your finger against your mug while you try to find the correct words to phrase your thoughts. “It’s not for everybody? I think it’s nice and I’m pretty sure being married officially gets you some kind of benefits from the government or whatever, I mean I’m not an expert on this, so don’t you dare fucking quote me unless I say something particularly hilarious or clever. But I also think it might be a little...over hyped? Like everyone acts like it’s something you have to do and if you don’t do it you’re...not really in love? You have to get married to prove to everyone that you’re so in love and so fucking serious and that way no one can claim otherwise or something. You know what I mean? Like, Rose and Kanaya just got married and other than the rad as hell ceremony and having an official paper proclaiming they’re in love and will be forever basically, nothing else in their relationship has changed. They were always so in love with each other and it’s not like anyone ever thought they’d break up or whatever just because they weren’t hitched. I mean, it’s treated like it’s supposed to change everything for you, prove something, but it just means you can call someone your spouse and you pool your funds at the bank and can adopt kids in the future and shit. Which is all great. But it seems like...marriage is supposed to be the end game? But, like, end of what fucking game? Karkat, if we were to run to the courthouse and get hitched right now, would our relationship be any different than it is right now?”

You stop talking for a second to drink some of your coffee. You slide a glance over to Karkat, but you can’t really read his face. 

“Sorry, I was...rambling there for awhile. I know a lot of that sounded pretty negative, but I’m not...I’m not antimarriage, I’m pro, obviously. Very pro, my bro. You know who likes the idea of matrimony? Matri-pro- _me_.” Karkat snorts, and you take another sip of your coffee. “But uh...I guess what I mean is marriage is...fine? I understand why people do it.”

You look over at Karkat again. His eyes are downcast, focused on poking the bacon with his spatula to feel like he’s doing something. He has half a piece of barely cooked bacon hanging out of his mouth. Just looking at him brings an easy smile to your face. 

“I think I might like to get married someday.” 

Karkat’s gaze slides your direction, and he smiles when your eyes meet. You lean forward and kiss him. His mouth tastes like salt, most likely because he’s still working on part of a bacon strip. 

You bite it and pull away, grinning and chewing your stolen bacon exaggeratedly. 

“You thief!” Karkat gasps. “I can’t believe you would betray me and my trust like this! You asshole, you broke my heart just now. I’ll never love again.”

“That’s alright.” You swallow and shudder. Karkat barely cooks the bacon he wants to eat, he just warms it a little so you’re not quite as grossed out. It tastes raw and a little slimy. “I’ve got enough love to spread around for both of us. Karkat, I’m gonna smear my love all over you like butter on toast.”

“Do it, I dare you.” Karkat goads you, prodding you in the chest with his spatula. “Go ahead, just you try to spread your nasty affections all over me. Shove it into each and every one of my frothing orifices and grease me from the inside.”

“Jesus,what a disgusting proposition!” You laugh. “You being paid by the crude word, Karkles Dickens?”

“Fuck no.” He snorts. “You couldn’t afford me, Dave. Any shitstorm with you is pro bono.”

“Aw, Karkat.” You sigh happily. “You say nausea inducing stuff to me for free? That’s so romantic. Guess it’s my turn to give you some pro boner work in exchange.”

You set your coffee mug down on the counter and hold Karkat’s face in your hands. You pull him closer and you kiss him again, this time you dart your tongue into his mouth and kiss as deeply as you can. Karkat’s breath hitches, and his arms wrap around you tightly. His claws bite into your shoulders as he drags you down and even closer to him, closing whatever distance could have possibly been left between the two of you. 

He still, of course, tastes like bacon, with the underlying flavor of bitter coffee still fresh in his mouth. Aside from the breakfast taste you’re certain is just as thickly coated on your own tongue, he’s warm and sweet and vaguely spicy, like hot chocolate with chiles. 

“So,” you plant one more small kiss on him before you pull away from him so you can breathe. You hold Karkat’s face far enough away so you can really look at each other, and you grin at the sight of his flushed face, “did I pour enough of my love into your frothing orifice?”

“Yeah,” he nods, “actually, I think it may have been too much for my system to handle all at once. Oh, fuck, Dave, I’m swooning! Quick, catch me!”

Karkat gasps and falls dramatically into your arms, leaning his weight to the side so you’re forced to dip him. 

You shake your head in mock disapproval. “You’re ridiculous, asshole.”

He cracks open an eye and grins at you. “You’re a dick and you fucking love this. Now get down here.”

He beckons you down to him, grasping your shirt in his hand and dragging you so your face almost meets his. The few inches between you two are unbearable, and you almost can’t stand how slowly Karkat’s closing the distance. You can feel every hot, shallow breath against your lips. 

Finally, your patience pays off and your mouth meets his. 

Karkat bites your lower lip gently and immediately pulls away from you. “That’s for stealing my bacon, you selfish douche.”

“That’s it, I’m dropping you.”

“You wouldn’t dare.” He uses you as leverage to pull himself back up. “The bacon’s almost done, I think. There anything else you want for breakfast? Eggs? Toast? I think we have yogurt in the thermal hull if you’d rather have that, since you like dipping your bacon in it like some trash mouthed heathen.”

“Hey, don’t knock it ‘til you try it.” You reprimand as you look through the fridge. You take out the eggs and a greek yogurt. “And even then, shut the fuck up, you have no room to talk about gross food combinations, guy who puts crickets in lasagna.”

“God, I already apologized for that!” Karkat rolls his eyes as he removes the rest of the bacon off the pan. He cracks an egg with one hand. “Sorry for thinking you might want to experiment with some Alternian-Human fusion food.”

“Yeah, you should apologize.” You open your yogurt and start scooping it out with your bacon. “It was pretty nasty, Karkat.”

“You’re pretty nasty.” He retaliates. “Did you want these scrambled?”

“Fuck yes, please.” You pick up a new piece of bacon and swirl your yogurt with it. “So, Karkat, what...do you think? About marriage and shit? You haven’t told me yet.”

“Honestly?” Karkat begins as he scrambles eggs in the bacon grease. “I haven’t thought about it much before.”

“Whoa, what?” You’re honestly shocked. “But you’re so into that stuff! You’re Karkat fucking Vantas, you love romance! That’s your whole deal!”

“I know, and I do! I love romance! Alternian romance. Dave, you have to understand, marriage is an alien concept to me. Performing an extravagant ceremony to promise a partner that you intend to stay with them forever is such...a human thing. I mean, it’s a fucking beautiful thing, and I’ve loved every wedding I’ve seen so far. But getting married just wasn’t something I thought I’d ever fucking do, it wasn’t an option for me to consider at all. Fuck, I didn’t even know wedding were a thing until I was seven sweeps old. I barely had time to think about it! Until I started dating you, I’d never had a serious relationship with a human, so I never thought of marriage as something I could do. Like you said earlier, getting married would be almost the same as what we’re doing right now, just with an additional expensive as fuck ceremony involved. And our current situation is fine with me, I love our life right now, I don’t want to change anything. So as much as I fucking love the shit out of weddings, I didn’t really think I’d want one. But then-”

He huffs and flips the eggs around a little with his spatula. They sizzle in the grease.

“Rose and Kanaya?”

“Rose and Kanaya!” Karkat repeats emphatically. “They got married, Dave! They did that! And it was so beautiful, I fucking cried!” 

“Yeah, I know. I was there making sure you weren’t caught ugly crying on camera.”

“Dave, their wedding was wonderful. Watching them get married was such an amazing experience. I could actually feel how much love there was between them. And just seeing Kanaya and how happy and in love she was in that moment...” Karkat sighs wistfully. “It tore my eyes wide open about this. I think getting married would be nice.”

“Wow, that was a really roundabout and long winded way to say yes.”

“Yeah, because your explanation was kept so short and sweet.” Karkat rolls his eyes. “Sorry for wanting to provide you with some context about my opinion, bulgebreath. Pass me a plate.”

You hand him one, and he scoops the scrambled eggs onto it and piles the bacon onto the side. He gives it back to you.

“Hearing you say you hadn’t thought about it too much only to say exactly what I thought you’d say from the get go was a fucking roller coaster trip, honestly.” You take the plate from him and start rummaging around in a drawer for a fork. “Are you not having any eggs?”

He holds up his plate of hardly cooked bacon. “No, I’m good.”

Karkat finishes eating before you do and pours himself another cup of coffee. You watch him as he starts cleaning up the kitchen, throwing his plate and the dirty pan into the sink before he starts filling the other side with hot water.

“Dude, are you seriously doing the dishes right now?” 

“Why not?” He shrugs. “I’m awake right now and I’m not gonna be doing shit for awhile. And like fuck I’m gonna want to do these when I get home later.”

“Okay, fair enough.” You polish off the last of your eggs and deposit your plate in the pile. “You want me to dry them?”

“No, I got this. Fuck off and take a shower, you smell like shit.” He nudges you away from the sink with his hip. 

You get in the shower. You’re in the middle of sudsing up your hair when you hear Karkat start to sing, his voice loud and clear and so very off key over the sound of the running water. You close your eyes and smile as you listen. 

You want to stay with Karkat like this forever.

As the hot water beats down on you and you scrub your hair to the rhythm of some cheesy love song Karkat’s singing in the other room, your thoughts finally close around the conclusion you knew you’d reach all along.

You’re gonna ask Karkat to marry you.

 

Just because you came to this decision doesn’t actually mean you’re capable of doing it. When you’d stepped out of the shower you thought about running out back into the kitchen and asking him right then and there. But as soon as you saw him standing there, your tongue was suddenly too thick to form words. You watched him put the dishes away and continue to sing to himself, at a loss for what to say to him. 

At that moment you felt completely exposed, for more reasons than just the thin towel wrapped around your waist. It was like the first time you’d tried to say “I love you” all over again. God, you’d struggled with that for months. Usually you suffer from a steady stream of verbal diarrhea, but in that case you’d found yourself orally constipated. The whole time was awful for you, you were hyper aware of every little thing, and you would lay awake at night regretting all the missed opportunities to tell him how you felt slip through your fingers. You’d managed to finally choke out the words over pizza. 

So you weren’t able to say to Karkat what you wanted to say to him yet. Which was probably for the best, because you didn’t even know what the fuck you’d planned on saying exactly. Really, this was a blessing in disguise. Frankly, a pretty shitty one, like those glasses with the fake mustaches attached and shit. What are those called again? Beaglepuss glasses? God, that sounds so fucking fake, that can’t be what they’re really called. 

This is the exact kind of bullshit tangent you’re trying to avoid while proposing. 

You don’t see Karkat as much as you’d like to over the next few days because of scheduling issues, which actually works out pretty well for you right now. It really gives you the time to hammer down exactly what you want to say to him. Between classes, work, and reading Karkat’s promised text complaints about Debra, you get a nice little speech all planned out and you run through it over and over again in your head on a loop. When you’re at home you stand in front of the bathroom mirror and watch yourself so you don’t get too nervous having someone look at you as you speak and causing you to chicken out altogether. 

By Wednesday night, you have this shit down and you’re just as ready to do this as you’ll ever be. The only problem is that the time you thought you’d have to do it is pulled out from under you when someone asks Karkat if he wouldn’t mind covering for someone else, so he’s working a double shift tonight and won’t get home until later. Karkat tells you you don’t have to wait up for him. 

So, naturally, you do.

The front door slams closed, and you hear Karkat groaning an elongated “fuck” as he drags his feet to the bedroom. You look up from your phone when you see him, and oh god, he looks so exhausted. He looks like if you took a plate of nacho cheese doritos and spread a thin layer of vomit over the top of it, then proceeded to microwave it for several minutes.

You don’t even have to ask him how his day was, you can already tell it was terrible. 

“I had...the worst damn day today.” He groans, rubbing his hand across his face. “I’m so fucking tired, I’m tempted to drop right here.”

You watch as Karkat changes out of his work clothes and into his pajamas. During this, you debate with yourself internally over whether or not now is a good time to spring a proposal on him. On the one hand, Karkat’s had a pretty long and stressful day today. On the other, he might like getting proposed to, and you’re just dying to spill your beans right fucking now.

“Dave?” Karkat yawns, pulling you out of your own head. “Can we cuddle?”

You open your arms for him. “Of course.”

“Thanks.” Karkat gets in bed and wraps himself around you, and you squeeze him tightly. He buries his face in your shoulder. “I really needed this.”

“Everything alright?” 

“Yeah.” He mumbles. “Work was just really fucking draining and I want to sleep forever.” 

“I get that.” You nod, stroking his back lightly. “Are you hungry? I could make you something quick or maybe order in if you want.” 

He shakes his head. “I’m okay. I got a burger on the way home.” Karkat snuggles deeper into your arms. “This is more than enough for me right now.”

You smile. “Glad I could help.” 

Karkat sighs contentedly and closes his eyes as you continue to hold him and trace patterns on his back. You can tell he’s not asleep yet, but he’s getting there. You try to stay as quiet as possible so you don’t drag him from the brink of sleep.

You want make him as comfortable as possible and let him take his well deserved rest. But at the same time...this is the moment you’ve been waiting for all day. You prepared yourself to ask a certain question and like hell you’re not going to ask it. 

“Hey, Karkat,” you begin quietly. 

“Hm?” He tilts his head up and stares at you. His eyes are bleary and unfocused. God you regret choosing now to ask, he looks so tired. But it’s too late to go back now. You gotta push forward. 

“There’s something I’ve been thinking about for the last few days now, and I had something I wanted to ask you.” 

Oh shit, here you go. You’re about to propose. 

Fuck, your heart is pounding so loud.

“Karkat, I was wondering-”

“About what we should do with my old block?” He interrupts through a yawn. “I’ve been wondering the same thing. We don’t really need a guest block because no one stays here overnight. Unless one of us gets a hobby that we need that entire block of space for, it’s a completely useless block. We’re paying for extra space we don’t fucking need, it’s pointless. It’s time we start looking for a new place.”

Now that you mention it, he’s right. “Exactly. You took the words right out of my mouth.” 

He took the words right out of your mouth and smothered them under his own question.

“I’m glad we’re on the same page about this.” He eases back against you and closes his eyes. “Love you.” 

“Love you, too.” 

You don’t know if he’s even awake to hear your reply.

Well, fuck you, you guess. 

You knew this was going to be difficult, but, god, this is...this is so much fucking harder than you ever thought it would be. Rose made it seem like it was easy. She just asked and bam! She was engaged so fast you got whiplash and had to go to the hospital. 

You really wanted to do this by yourself and keep it a surprise for everybody when you finally do it. After this failed attempt, though, you think you might need some help with this, after all. 

You creep an arm off of Karkat, careful not to disturb him as you stretch out towards your phone. You manage to grab it without consequence and start typing.

rose you up i got some real important shit i wanna toss at you and get your advice on real quick

or not real quick any speed is chill really anything between speedy gonzalez and a sloth is fine 

speedy slothzalez would be perfect if you can figure out how to do that

I heard you needed advice and I came at the mediumest speed I could. But I would like to point out to you that it *is* late, particularly for a wednesday. Please consider how lucky you are to have me in your life. 

Now tell me all about your problem so I can tell you what to do under the guise of advice and feel superiority over you.

youre so lucky im desperate for help and youre the only person im comfy enough to ask which reminds me hey dont go spreading the shit im about to tell you around

i know you got a thing for smearing feces around on canvas with your hands like some artistic howler monkey but please in this case keep the stank on the down low just flush this turd down the toilet soon as youre done giving it the ole once over

You have my word, Dave. I won’t tell anyone about whatever it is you need to talk about. Honestly, your uncharacteristic need for privacy has my interest piqued. I am currently sitting in bed beside my wife, a pen and a pad of paper in my hand, staring intently down at my phone as I wait for it to explode with texts from you. I am thoughtfully chewing on a pipe and nodding for you to continue typing.

Mmhm. And how did that make you feel, Dave?

You see, I am fully prepared for whatever you have to say before you finish typing.

rose you remember sunday when you told me that my big news about moving karkat into my room wasnt as big as i thought it was and you were so disappointed that we werent engaged or some other way more serious shit like that and you pouted for like ten minutes at brunch and barely complimented karkats muffins that he slaved over

Dave, I already apologized for that several times over. I’m sorry if I acted disappointed in your news, even though I was it wasn’t the right reaction to have to such good -but not as big or important as you made it out to be, I am still holding some of the blame on you- news. I am very glad for you and Karkat and I’m sure you will both thoroughly enjoy the bed you now share, since apparently you haven’t done that over the year and a half you’ve been dating and living together. 

listen shut up im not looking for another apology god rose not everythings about you, actually most things arent theyre all about me i am the center of the god damn universe and you and i are both aware of this fact

all that tomfuckery aside like i was saying before you so rudely interrupted me was that ive been thinking long and hard about what you said

you know about marriage and karkat and me and how its a thing we should do

and i decided to propose to karkat because i love him and i want him in my life forever and ever and i think a wedding would be dope as hell

If the question you wanted advice on was if I agreed that your wedding would be dope as hell, I have to say that of course it would be, Dave. Rest assured, it won’t be better than mine by a longshot, but it will definitely be second best.

Also I assume I am your maid of honor? Keep in mind, if you say no I won’t hesitate to lay a plague upon both your houses.

wow good thing we only have one apartment for you to plague because really rose who can afford one let alone two fucking houses in this economy but hey at least that should save you some curse for a rainy day lucky you

so anyway i tried to propose tonight just now

Oh, congratulations! What did you do to mess it up?

nothing i didnt do shit but karkat thought i was asking something else

and now instead of being engaged were looking for a new apartment

Dave

yeah

Dave

i know

Dave What The Fuck

im a fucking disaster im aware also kanaya is that you what the hell i specifically swore rose to secrecy

She Started Laughing Very Hard And I Wanted To See What The Joke Was And As It Turned Out The Joke Was You And Your Love Life

thanks kanaya youre the sweetest sis in law ever i mean really if you said one more honey soaked word im gonna have to assume youre coming on to me

and you know what they say about making people assume

you 

me

ass

I’m Sorry Dave Yes I Do Think Your Situation Is Funny But I Am Also Disappointed That Your Proposal To Karkat Ended So Disastrously

At Least You’re Looking For A New Hive That Should Be Fun

i mean yeah going on the prowl for a new place should be way cool probably i would love cubicle sized house hunting with him 

hey kanaya you were my second choice for advice can i ask you what i should do 

You Can Ask But If I Answer That Is A Completely Different Story

fair enough hey kanaya what was it like getting proposed to were you nervous at all was it a surprise is there a different way you would have preferred help me out how should i propose to karkat

Rose Proposed To Me After A Late Night Double Horror Feature At The Local Theater

I Wasn’t Surprised Because We Had Discussed The Possibility Of Marriage To Great Lengths Both Hypothetically And Realistically And We’d Both Come To The Conclusion That It Was The Right Time But Rose Said She Still Wanted To Keep The Exact Moment Of Questioning A Surprise

Rose Did Not Get Down On One Knee She Took My Hand And Slipped The Engagement Ring On My Finger And Then Kissed My Hand

So It Was Far From The Surprise Engagements Karkat Or You Would Have Seen In His Movies I Wasnt Surprised Or Shocked At All By This 

My First Thought After It Happened Was “Ah It’s Time”

And Of Course My Second Thought Was Kissing Your Sister And Telling Every Passerby About My Engagement To The Greatest Woman In The World

i mean i wouldnt call her the greatest woman in the world shes cool dont get me wrong but shes no like cleopatra or fucking amelia earhart 

what im saying is theres a lot of dynamite gals and rose is definitely among them but shes not the tip top of the bombshell iceberg

so youre saying i shouldnt do a whole big surprise shebang 

You can do whatever you feel is best. Every couple is different, Dave. Kanaya and I like talking about our relationship and our future together and before I proposed we had an in depth discussion about marriage and what it would mean to us, and what we would do if we did decide to get married. By the time I proposed I was already well aware that Kanaya would say yes. I needed that certainty in order to understand that it was something she also wanted just as much as I did. In our case, communication was key, and the actual proposal was less important./span>

I imagine it would be different for you and Karkat. Knowing him, he would love whatever large scale romantic gesture you decide to pull and say yes on the spot. That being said, here is a bit of actual advice:

Please talk to him about getting married and don’t just assume he’s on the same page as you. As I said, just having such a romantic gesture aimed at him might have Karkat saying yes immediately without thinking about it, but if he’s not actually ready for such a serious step it could drive a wedge between you and I don’t want that on my conscience.

thank you for growing a conscience for this problem rose

You’re welcome, it’s all Kanaya’s fault. She lent some of hers to me just for this occasion. 

I guess the appropriate term would be my kanscience.

i cant believe she has you making puns now holy shit what has married life done to my sister

Something wonderful. Don’t worry, Dave, I’m sure you’ll experience it yourself soon. 

It’s late and I have things to do in the morning, so I’m going to go to bed now. Good luck with your proposal. I’d tell you to take this slow, but you already seem to be doing that.

haha youre so funny rose 

thanks though, ill keep you posted about this and please dont tell anyone else

night

Well that didn’t help you much at all. 

You put your phone back on the bedside table and lay your arm around Karkat’s shoulders. From his breathing you can tell he’s fast asleep. His weight is heavy against you. He probably wouldn’t even wake up if you rolled him off you so you could get in a more comfortable position yourself.

You could do that, no consequence, but you won’t. Instead you lightly stroke his hair and think about the future. What are you going to do tomorrow? How long will it take for you two to find an apartment you both love or that at least isn’t fucking terrible? Will you ask him to marry you before the move, or will you hold off until after? Will he say yes? Will you be happily engaged within the year? 

All these questions run through your mind as your thoughts go fuzzy around the edges. Then Karkat squeezes you tight in his sleep, and all your worries are laid to rest. No matter what happens, Karkat’s here with you. Everything is going to be okay.

 

It takes months for you and Karkat to find a place that’s not horrible and is pretty much in between both of your jobs. But when you finally find the place...fuck do you find it. 

The carpet in the living room feels real nice on your feet, and the kitchen held up to Karkat’s (apparently high) standards. Lots of counter space, cupboards low enough for him to reach without asking you for help or climbing on one of the aforementioned counters. And despite the one bedroom, which you thought would mean that you had less space in general, it’s actually kind of big in comparison to your current place. 

“So,” you’d asked Karkat as you slipped your shoes back on in the elevator on the way out of the apartment, “what’d you think of that one?”

Karkat turned to you, his eyes wide with excitement. “I think we need to buy a fucking table, Dave. We’ll finally have the space for that.”

“And hey, maybe while we’re at it we could splurge and get some new shit to actually decorate the place together, since we’re planning on staying for awhile.”

“Shit, we’re gonna have to start saving more money for that.”

“Guess we can’t indulge in any five star dinners or cocaine baths anymore.” You shrug. “So just so we’re clear, this is the place? We’re done looking?”

“Yeah.” He nods with certainty. “This is the place.”

You and Karkat save as much money as you possibly can without starving yourselves or working to death. Eventually, you save up enough money for both the apartment and checking out affordable tables and shit at your local wherever the fuck that is. 

You end up searching for stuff at a knock-off hobby lobby in a strip mall across town. It’s brightly lit and filled to the fucking ceiling with cheap and kind of tacky yard and home decor options in a multitude of colors, none of which are pleasant. 

God, you want one of everything.

Thankfully, Karkat’s there to stop you from stuffing the cart the moment you enter. Less thankfully, Karkat also has a soft spot for ugly knick-knacks. Even less thankfully, his love for them is completely sincere and he is extremely skilled in the art of persuasion.

“Dave, look at this one!” He grabs a fucking porcelain moose head off the wall and shows it to you.

“That’s really cool and all, but what the fuck are we gonna do with that?” 

“Mount it on our wall, obviously, dumbass.” He rolls his eyes at you. “come on, look at it! It looks like we decapitated and hung the head of an enemy’s lusus to show our dominance, but it’s clearly fake so it’s actually really funny. We should hang it someplace everyone will see it so they’ll know how hilarious we are as soon as they step through the threshold.” 

“I don’t get it.” You shrug. “It might just be an Alternian thing, but this isn’t all that funny to me.”  
He glares. “You have no sense of whimsy, Dave.”  
Karkat puts it back, clearly upset that you didn’t find the weird very fragile and probably expensive fake moose head as interesting as he did. You push the cart an inch forward, and Karkat takes a step to keep stride with you. He’s pouting. 

Oh god, you can’t do this.

“Okay, fine.” You sigh. “Get the head. Put it in the cart.” 

“Oh, hell yes!” He says excitedly as he gingerly lays the head in the cart. “This is gonna look so fucking good above our tv.”

You look down at the head, its lifeless porcelain eyes staring back at you, and you can’t help but agree. It’s insane to you that even though you and Karkat have different thought processes and reasons for it, you both think that above the tv is the most fucking perfect place to mount this piece of shit. 

The cart quickly fills up with junk you’re not even sure you want but clearly need to decorate your home with. Cliche phrases painted on a piece of driftwood. Dinosaur wall stickers and glow in the dark stars. Some fancy ass throw pillows. A couple generically pretentious pictures of utensils you intend to spread everywhere around your house except for the kitchen. Clocks the size of a watch face with sticky backs so they can be placed everywhere, a limit of twenty brought in place by Karkat so you don’t go over budget on them.

“Why the fuck do you even want so many clocks, anyway?” Karkat asks as he examines a pretty damn cute painting of an astronaut on the moon as they hold out a big glowing heart. “Love you to the moon and back” is scribbled in big bold letters across space. “Not that I’m against you getting them. Express your decorative freedom however the hell you want. I can’t judge you for that.”

He drops the painting into the cart. “They looked pretty cool. And I thought it would be funny to change the times on most of them and stick em all over the apartment.”

Karkat nods as you approach checkout. “Got any places in mind?”

“Nah.” You shake your head. “I think I’m just gonna put them wherever I feel like.”

You’re in line for checkout now, and you’re not looking forward to dumping all your trash out onto the conveyor like it’s a dumpster and finding out the total amount you spend on this garbage fire of junk. You distract yourself from the cart by checking out some of the impulse buy shit. 

Like most stores, the checkout aisle is mostly stocked with small candy displays, but there’s also craft magazines and small scale art supplies. Above that is some cheap jewelry, bracelets with beads shaped like cute animals or necklaces that are supposed to look like they came from a kid’s movie that was popular a few years ago.

Plus a shit ton of cheap plastic rings.

Should you….should you get Karkat an engagement ring? 

Shit, of course you should. Don’t be an idiot, obviously you need to get him an engagement ring.

On top of everything else, can you afford one? Aren’t those expensive as fuck? 

You stare at the plastic rings, the big fake stones shining glassily in the fluorescent lights. Could you get him one of these instead? A ring’s a ring is a ring, right? You could propose with one of these and he probably wouldn’t give a shit that it’s not real silver or garnished with precious stones. And considering he knows your financial situation, he’d get it. He knows you’re gonna be flat broke for awhile, because he’s also going to be flat broke. Yeah, you could get one of these. 

You start digging around in the ring bin. There’s probably one in here that’s just the perfect level of kind of shitty but also incredibly sweet and heartfelt, like a lot of the junk in this store seems to be. 

“Dave, what are you doing?” Karkat peers over your shoulder curiously.

“Looking at some sweet bling.” You reply hastily. “Check this shit out.”

You remove a fistful of rings and show them to him. He raises an eyebrow at you but starts picking through your loot nonetheless. He picks up one with a strangely colored gaudy stone and examines it carefully. The tag attached to it is a larger than the ones on the rest of them.

“Holy fuck, is that a mood ring?” You drop the other rings back in the bin and take the one from Karkat. “I haven’t seen one of these in years.”

“Maybe they’re coming back into style.”

“Can’t imagine why they ever left.” You make a fist around the ring to get the color to change faster. “Fashion people are all idiots.”

You open your fist again and look at the stone. It’s bright yellow, tinged to a near black at the edges. You and Karkat read the color chart on the tag.

“This says you’re nervous and probably a little stressed.” Karkat furrows his eyebrows at you. “What are you nervous about, Dave?”

“Probably about the amount of dough we’re gonna be spending pretty soon.” You shrug. “These things are always pretty emotionally vague like that.”

You hold the ring out to him. “You wanna give it a go?”

He shakes his head. “I could never get that shit to work for me. They change color based on body temperature and I run hotter than humans tend to do, so I always get stuck with the same color.”

“You’re damn right you’re hotter than most humans.”

Karkat rolls his eyes at you and tries his best to hold back a grin. He fails. “So did you want to get that?”

“Maybe not today. We’re already spending enough money as is.” You put the mood ring back. “Some other time.”

Karkat gets all the bags loaded up in the cart while you go ahead and start paying for it. The total isn’t quite as bad as you were expecting, but it’s still pretty steep. You almost regret adding more to it. But…

“You go on ahead to the car, I’m feel peckish. Got a chocolate craving that only this bargain candy can satisfy.” You grab a twix off the shelf and wave Karkat away. He gives you a weird look, but starts leaving anyway.

As soon as Karkat’s far enough away that you’re confident he can’t hear you, you turn around and dig through the rings again. There’s one in particular you saw that you want. 

“Here.” You toss a ring with a little red heart shaped gem to the checker. “Ring this up, too.”

You don’t take the receipt and slip the ring into your pocket. Karkat’s still loading everything into the trunk when you get there. “What the fuck took you so long?”

“Karkat, my darling, left twix to my right twix,” you open up your candy and hand him the left one, “sometimes it takes awhile to find the perfect snackage.”

He takes it from you and bites it as he transfers bags into the trunk. A string of carmel clings to his chin. “And this is the best you could do?”

“Yeah.” You nod. Your thoughts stray to the ring in your pocket. “This really is the best I could do.”

 

It takes some time before you’re able to start moving in to your new place. Over that time, you’ve almost proposed twice and by divine intervention, failed at even getting the words out yet again. Rose and Kanaya thought that was a riot. 

So did John, who somehow found out even though both girls swear they didn’t tell him. John’s dad didn’t think it was funny, but he did tell you he supports you and offered you as much advice as you need. 

It’s with a heavy and embarrassed heart that you beg all of them to help you both move. You’re carrying boxes down to Rose’s truck and avoid making eye contact with everyone as much as possible. Still, you can’t avoid conversing with your friends forever.

You bump into John when you’re loading a box into the truckbed. 

“Hey,” he grins widely, “man, I still can’t believe this, a couple years ago you guys couldn’t even be in the same room as each other without pitching a fit. And now here you are, moving to a different apartment and about to get married! And all because of me.”

“Dude, keep it down.” You hiss, socking him in the arm. “I haven’t even done it yet.”

He leans in close and whispers. “So when are you?”

“Soon.” You admit, mirroring his tone. “I was thinking maybe tonight or tomorrow. When we have everything all settled in our new place.”

John’s eyes go wide with excitement. “Tonight?”

“Yeah.” You nod. “If I can.”

“Got it.” John nods and runs back into the building. You follow after him.

You think John must have told everybody your plan, because suddenly everybody’s moving at top speed. Within the span of two hours, you have the whole place emptied of all your valuables and are on your way to the new one. Another couple hours and all the boxes are tossed in, and some of the more fragile or important things are taken out and arranged more appropriately. 

You’re a little disappointed in Kanaya for laughing at the porcelain moose head when Karkat shows it to her. Maybe it’s an Alternian thing? Like a joke only an alien would get? You don’t know, but you’re guessing you’ll know if you ever invite any other trolls over. 

It doesn’t take as long as you thought it would to move everything. You and Karkat thank your friends for helping out and working so quickly to get you all moved in. You offer to buy pizza for everyone. Kanaya is quick to inform you that she and Rose actually have a date night all planned and they can’t do it right now, but they’ll be happy to take you up on it some other time. John says he left the oven on at home, at which point his dad corrects to saying they’re supposed to go spend time with his cousin, who just came into town and is visiting for a few days.

They all start to leave. Rose gives you a knowing look, and Kanaya offers a thumbs up. Mr. Egbert gives you a supportive and approving nod. John, being John, just yells “good luck” to you and leaves. 

And then you and Karkat are alone. 

There is a plastic ring burning a hole in your pocket. 

“I’m hungry.” Karkat announces. “Are we still ordering food?”

“Yeah, we could do that.” You nod as you dig your phone out of your pocket. Your finger brushes the plastic. Your heart skips a beat. “Pizza still good?”

“I’m feeling more like take out.”

You order the food, and to pass the time you and Karkat play go fish on the bare mattress in your brand new cozy bedroom. You’re so nervous about what you’re planning on doing soon (you’re thinking maybe after you’re done eating and you’re both comfy is the optimum time) that you ask Karkat for the same card a few times in a row, and you even jump when you have to buzz the take out guy up. 

You take the food and set up the cartons on a box, since the surface is much more stable than the bed and it doesn’t matter if you spill anything. You call Karkat out of the bedroom, and you both start digging in. 

Oh god, you’re almost out of fried rice. 

It’s almost time. 

Your head is spinning. Holy shit, you are so unprepared.

You clear your throat and ask Karkat to pass you some of the pork even though you feel like you could throw up at any moment.

Karkat hands you the container. 

“Hey, Dave,” he says conversationally, flipping a piece of coconut shrimp into the air and just barely catching it in his mouth, “do you know what day it is?”

“Saturday?” You ask. “Fuck, it’s movie day. We missed movie day! Sorry, bro, I know how much you love your flicks. We’ll watch twice as many next week to make up for it, promise.”

“No, not that.” He shakes his head. “But don’t think I’m not fucking holding you to that now that you’ve offered. I meant it’s our anniversary.”

“Holy shit, is it?”

Is it?

It is, isn’t it? 

You forgot your own anniversary! You were about to propose and you forgot your anniversary!

Hell.

“Karkat, I-”

“It’s fine, I figured you forgot.” He dismisses your apology before it leaves your mouth. “We’ve both been pretty busy with the move and shit. Honestly, I only remembered because I had something special planned for this year.”

“Really?” There’s no way it’s as special as the thing you’ve got planned, but still you’re incredibly interested. “What is it?”

“I’ve...I’ve been thinking about this for awhile.” he begins. Wow, he seems really nervous. You wonder what kind of surprise it is if it’s worrying him so much. Karkat stands up. “Ever since we had that discussion about marriage and what our views were, I haven’t really stopped thinking about it. It’s actually why I was so enthusiastic about getting a new place, so we wouldn’t be stuck in a shithole for fucking ever from all the money we’re probably gonna be spending on this shit. Assuming you say yes, obviously.”

He pauses to take a few deep breaths. Poor guy’s really nervous. For good reason.

You can tell exactly what’s going on, because you’ve been trying to do this for months. 

Shit, you’d planned on doing it in ten minutes.

Goddammit.

“What I’m trying to say is,” he takes another deep breath before he gets down on one knee next to you. You scoot over so he’s in front of you. There’s a ring box in his trembling hand, “Dave Redacted Strider, will you marry me?”

You knew this was happening but somehow you can’t process it. 

Karkat said the words, and you heart stopped instantly. 

Your vision blurs.

“Dave are you okay?” Karkat’s voice cuts through the blankness of your mind and brings you back to life. His hand cups your cheek, and his thumb brushes something wet off of your face.

Holy shit, you’re crying.

“Yeah.” You nod. Your voice cracks and fuck, you don’t sound like you’re okay.

“Yeah you’re fine or yeah to...my question?” He asks anxiously.

“Yes, of course yes to that! Karkat, I’m gonna marry the shit out of you.” You proclaim through a sniffle as you wipe at your eyes. “Fuck, I’m so emotional about this I wasn’t expecting that.”

“Neither was I.” He laughs. “I was prepared for me to burst into tears halfway through asking, but I had no idea this was a possibility. Here.”

He wipes at your nose with his sleeve, and you can see your mucus sliming the fuck out of his shirt. “I love you so much, man.”

Karkat beams at you, his face soft with returned affection. “And I love you.”

“Can I look at the ring?”

“I was under the impression you did more than fucking look at it.” He says as he hands the box over to you.

As soon as you look at it, it’s clear that this ring didn’t come with the box, and the box was just for the reveal and maybe so he wouldn’t lose the ring before now. But the ring itself looks pretty inexpensive. Unlike your cheap ring, though, it’s definitely metal. 

The stone on it is big and gaudy and just….god, it’s such a ‘you’ ring. This is so your jam. Karkat knows you so well, you love him so much. You slip it onto your ring finger and hold it up to the light to examine it, and that’s when you notice that it’s not just any ring.

“Holy fuck, Karkat, is this a mood ring?”

“Yeah.” He nods. “There’s a chart of the different colors in the bottom of the box. By the way, remind me to return that to Kanaya later.”

So Kanaya knew that Karkat wanted to propose to you. You wonder for how long. Then you remember it doesn’t matter and you cover the ring in your other hand so you can get the ring to change color faster. Karkat takes the tiny chart out of the box.

“It’s a real deep blue. Like bottom of the ocean blue.” You tell him. “What does that mean?”

“Very happy.” Karkat reads off. “So are you, Dave? Are you very happy?”

“Of course I am.” You can’t stop smiling as you look at it. “God, this is so much better than the one I got you.”

“The _what?_ ”

 

You and Karkat are on the bed, your head is in his lap. All the cards have been pushed off onto the floor and not cleaned up. That’ll be for later, right now you don’t give a shit because you just got engaged and therefore nothing else matters. 

Except telling your sister, of course.

The phone is on speaker when Rose finally picks up. “Hello?”

“Hey!” You’re so excited you can’t hold back your excitement for even a second. Karkat laughs as he plays with your hair. You can feel the plastic band on his finger against your skin. 

“How’d it go, Dave?” You can almost hear Rose smiling on the other end of the phone. The question’s just a formality.

“It went great.” You look up, and Karkat rolls his eyes. “Perfect, even.”

“So what happened?”

“I said yes.”

You tell her everything that happened, with Karkat occasionally interjecting with his own commentary. Apparently he’d been talking to Kanaya for months trying to plan this out. At one point he sought advice out from John’s dad, the only real adult he knows. 

Rose puts her phone on speaker, and Kanaya joins the conversation and reveals her side of the story. That it was difficult for her not to tell anybody that she knew you both wanted to propose to each other. She didn’t even tell Rose because she knew that Rose would probably end up slipping the information back to one of you. 

That’s when you start telling Karka all about your own failed attempts at proposing. All the months you spent worrying about it only to have Karkat beat you to the punch moments before you popped the question. 

Your ring changes color a few more times during the conversation, and every time it does you ask Karkat what it means.

Romantic.

Calm.

Relaxed.

Passionate.

And it strikes you then that this is your life. That you’re going to be happy and relaxed and so in love with Karkat for the rest of your days. This is your life now, your happy ending.

And what could be sweeter than that?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you so much for reading! I hope you liked it :)


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